Slowly Dying
by SakiraUchiha
Summary: Sakura just wants to be noticed by the all famous Uchiha Sasuke. What will she do just to make herself feel pretty? What will she do for Sasuke? Will he care? SasuxSaku Selfhate Anorexia
1. Chapter 1

**OK! I know its a little too soon for a new story (judging by the fact that I'm working on 3 stories and I can barely keep up) But I just needed to start a new one! I'll try to get a chapter each day so if I didn't make one in time I still have it there D **

**enjoy**

**-i dont own-**

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Slowly Dying

Ever since I met Sasuke Uchiha, I've had a crush on him. It hurts me so much that so many other girls like him and no one would like a girl with a forehead as big as mine. I always try to impress him with out smart I am but after I let somebody see how smart I am he never looks at me. Ino, my best friend is so lucky she doesn't have a big forehead. She's so perfect! Her hair is pretty, her face is pretty, she's skinny, and she isn't shy. I don't even know how we're friends if we are the total opposite.

When I found out that she liked Sasuke too I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, but then I thought that we shouldn't break up because of him. When I heard that he liked girls with long hair I told Ino and ever since we have been growing out our hair. Everything is a problem with me. You would think that my pink hair would stand out but I think it's the ugliest thing on the planet. My mom always tells me that I'm beautiful in my own way but I don't want to be so different from everything its weird.

My story starts when Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, and I become team seven. I thought I could finally impress Sasuke because I was on a team with him, but now he just pushes me out of his life even more. I want to be able to show to him that I can be everything he ever wanted. I just wish that I could be prettier, skinnier, and have a smaller forehead.

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**Next chapter will be longer!**


	2. Hungry

**It's finally up! Chapter two of "slowly dying" Sorry it took so long. I could sit here and list a bunch of excuses but I'm sure you want to read the story.**

**Special thanks to LoveyDoveyStar. She helped me with some of the parts. I love yah leelee.**

**Just in case, If this gets offensive to anyone i suggest you stop reading.**

**I showed a part to my friend and he said that it might be offensive so I didnt want that to happen.**

**I dont own.**

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Chapter 2: Hungry

It was always so hard to say no to food but when I tried other diets they didn't really work. I convinced myself that tomorrow I would train harder then everyone else so I could lose some extra weight, and when I got home I would exercise more. I really didn't care what I had to do to become skinny. Even if it killed me, I'd rather die skinny then be alive and fat. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. All I saw was this monster looking back at me. It made me feel like such a failure. I worked so hard to make my hair soft and long to impress Sasuke, but not once did I think about how fat I looked. Now that I thought about it there was all this extra skin hanging out when I sit. It's not fair that Ino is so perfect. She isn't shy like me and her forehead is perfectly normal. And to make it worse on me, she's a lot skinnier. I hate it when I look over at everyone and they look so thin and I look so fat. Even Sasuke looks skinnier then me!

When we met up with Kakashi-sensei the next day I felt like I couldn't do anything. I was so hungry and weak, but I could tell that I was getting skinnier. Even if it was just a little, I felt lighter. When Sensei gave me and Sasuke a bento box, I couldn't decide whether I should eat it or not. If I ate a little I wouldn't be hungry, but I wouldn't get any skinnier. And if I didn't eat I would be skinny, but I wouldn't be hungry. Not to mention everyone would think that I had some eating disorder. I decided that I could eat a little, just so I wouldn't be too hungry. Bite by bite. Little by little. I could taste the goodness of food. It made me want more. I thought food was supposed to make you full not hungry. My stomach was longing for something to go into it. When Sasuke gave his bento to Naruto I decided to give mine to him instead. It would be a lot easier if someone else ate the food and I didn't have to refuse to eat it. Kakashi-Sensei nearly gave me a heart attack when he came out. When he said that we passed the test I felt even happier. Two things out of one: I was skinnier, and I was finally a ninja.

The next day we were supposed to have our first mission, but Kakashi-sensei just HAD to train us. He told us to be at the bridge at 5 but then he came at 9. If I knew he was going to be late again I wouldn't have worried so much about being late. I came running to the bridge only to find Naruto rambling about how Sensei was late and that I could've been sleeping. But the thing that made it worse was I didn't eat anything since lunch the day before. Throughout the training I was so hungry and Kakashi-sensei worked us past our limits. We took a break at lunchtime and I sat there and watched everyone eat while I drank a little bit of water. And when Naruto would talk and eat at the same time and chunks of chewed food came flying out of his mouth so I would punch him for that every now and then. When I just sat leaning against the tree I could see Kakashi-sensei giving me a few suspicious looks. I tried not to show that I was getting a little nervous. I felt myself tense up and begin sweating.

Naruto began making a commotion. "Sakura-chan! Why aren't you eating? Sakura-Chan? Hello? Sakura-Chan!"

My body jolted when I finally realized that Naruto was talking to me. "Huh what? Oh what do _you_ want Naruto?"

"I was just wondering… why aren't you eating anything?"

"Oh. I-I just had a big breakfast that's all. Don't worry about me I can eat later." I gave Naruto a small smile, but it was enough for him and he went back to his own business.

Sensei cleared his throat. "Alright let's begin training again."

"What!?! We've been training all morning! Can't we go on a mission now?"

"First comes first Naruto. I already told you, you're not ready for a mission yet. Now then Sakura, you'll be sparring with Sasuke and Naruto you will be with me. When one person from each match gives up we will switch."

I began feeling dizzy and I wanted to throw up. But the only problem was there was nothing for me to throw up. I tried to keep balance as I went toward Sasuke, but then he came at me and suddenly everything went black. When I woke up I saw Kakashi-sensei watching over me and then I heard sounds of kunai and shuriken clashing.

"Sakura, when was the last time you ate?"

"Wh-what?" I woke up hearing Kakashi's voice.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"I-I said that I had a big breakfast…"

"Don't lie to me Sakura. Now tell me when you ate last."

"It was at the bell exercise yesterday… But I really wasn't hungry."

"You need to eat something Sakura it's unhealthy to be starving yourself. I won't do anything about it today but if you keep this up I _will_ force you to eat. Understood?"

"But I'm really not hungry. I just need water."

"Answer me Sakura."

"O-okay… but I just-"

Naruto jumped over to me."Hey Sakura-chan! Are you okay? You barely started fighting Sasuke and you fainted!"

"I'm fine Naruto don't worry about me. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I'll be fine tomorrow."

I gave Naruto another reassuring smile and thought about what Kakashi was saying.

It was unhealthy, but it would make me skinnier. And if I ate it would be healthy if I didn't eat to excess but then I wouldn't get skinnier. But then if I don't eat Kakashi will force me to. So either way I'm going to have to eat. But I won't have to eat unless Kakashi knows I'm not. So if I pretend to eat… but I'm really not then it should be ok. But then how do I eat without really eating? I can throw it all up after I eat… Or I can just bring an empty bento box and pretend to eat by the river where no one can see me. I really don't want to throw up everything I eat, but if it comes to it I will. For now, I'll just pretend I'm eating.

"Okay, that's enough for today. Later tonight meet at the bridge and we'll go on our first mission." Kakashi disappeared and everyone began going in a different direction.

"Sakura-Chan, do you want to… you know, go out and eat with me?" Naruto kicked the rocks under him and looked down while talking.

"Oh, sorry Naruto I was going to stay here and train a little. I need to get caught up because I missed more then half today. Sasuke-kun do you want to train with me?"

"…hn… I don't have time for you little games. What makes you think that I would train with _you_? All you would do is hold me back. You should work on beating Naruto before you think about training with me. Knowing you, Naruto would be a challenge. And if you have enough time to think about starving yourself to get skinnier you should spend more time training."

Sasuke walked away to his own training spot and left me alone. I didn't know what to be surprised by: the fact that Sasuke just said the longest sentence to me ever, or that he just rejected me in the meanest way possible. But then again, this is Sasuke we're talking about.

I stayed outside and trained for a while until the sun started to set. I figured that I should go home and wash my face a little before I went out to the bridge. After I finished preparing and getting all my weapons ready I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked the same as I did the day before. Nothing was happening. I felt like such a failure. It was all because those few bites of rice I ate on my first day training as team seven. I stepped onto the scale before leaving. When I looked at the number, I couldn't help but be surprised. I stayed in the same position for a while staring at the number. In a few seconds I broke free from my trance and left the house thinking about my new weight. 90 pounds. I felt satisfied but looked back at my slightly flabby thighs.

…_I can do better. _

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**Next chapter will be longer. And it will be uploaded sooner because... SCHOOL IS OUT!**

**I usually do a little part of the story each day so in about a week or so it should be up again. I need to update "don't be shy" so it might come around next week.**

**Thanks for reading :**

**-Sakira**


	3. Yes or no?

**Ok sorry sorry sorry sorry it's really late I know. And my only excuse is i was lazy. But I started on the 4th chapter and I'm planning on having it uploaded tomorrow. On with the story!**

**-I Dont't Own-**

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Chapter 3: Yes or no?

I was excited about squad 7's first ninja mission but it was really nothing at all. We took the hardest mission and that was only cleaning the river of all the trash. I thought that we would we worked harder so that I could try to work off a few more pounds. Turns out I didn't get to work off anything.

After the mission Kakashi-sensei treated us out to dinner. Naruto insisted on Ichiraku ramen, but we picked barbeque instead. When the food came out I just looked down at my plate. I was trying to decide if it was ok to eat or not. I already starved myself a lot and I went down 5 pounds, but was it ok if I ate after losing so much? It was like throwing away what all my hard work. Naruto wouldn't stop pestering me about why I wouldn't eat, Sasuke was silent like always, and I could see Kakashi-sensei glaring at me every now and then. The food looked so good, not to mention the smell. The smell was so nice and appetizing. I finally took my chopstick and broke them apart. I saw everyone looking up at me and watching me as I picked up a piece of meat and put it in my mouth. I tasted all the oils and spices in it. It tasted so good. How could something like this make you fat? Kakashi nodded in acceptance and went on eating. I only ate a few more pieces of meat and a small bowl of rice.

That night, when I got home I showered and got back on the scale. I was somewhat nervous about what the scale would say, but I needed to see how much the food put on me. 93 lbs. Three pounds from dinner. I thought that it would only put on one pound but instead I put on even more. All that hard work, all that starvation, it was all just to loose two pounds. What was I supposed to do? I would need to go another week or so starving just to get down to 80 pounds. And it would take even longer for me to become strong. There was only one thing I could do so I could lose what I just put on. Throwing it all back up.

I leaned over the bowl of the toilet and hit my stomach sharply. A few seconds later I felt the food go back up my throat and out my mouth. I hated the taste of all the food mixed in with stomach acids. They burned my throat to the point where it was almost unbearable. But that was my punishment for eating so much.

Shortly after my little scene I went out into the kitchen and drank a cup of water. I felt so dizzy and lost. When I would walk it would take a few seconds for everything to process. It was like I was going so fast everything else was going in slow motion. How come I felt so lightheaded? I was only starving myself for a little longer then a day…

"Sakura-chan? Is that you? How come you're walking so slowly?" My mom came over to me and felt my forehead.

"Do you feel sick Sakura? You aren't warm, but you're walking so slowly and you look paler then usual." My mother's eyes were filled with worry.

"I'm fine mom. I guess I used too much chakra. I'll be fine tomorrow morning." I hugged my mom just to make sure she didn't worry herself too much.

That night was a total mess. Right when I hit the pillow I went to sleep and began dreaming. I don't know if this was a good thing because I would get a little more sleep in or a bad thing because I had a nightmare all night. When I looked down at the scale it read 100 pounds, and when I looked into the mirror I was nothing like what I wanted to be. My arms had extra skin hanging off of them, I no longer had what people call "pencil legs," and my stomach was hanging out. The whole night I thought of that dream. Only the weight on the scale kept increasing every time I woke up and went back to sleep. When it became morning, I was at a full 500 pounds.

The minute I got out of bed to get ready for the day I ran into the bathroom and stepped on the scale. 89 lbs… The number kept ringing in my ears and seemed to flow through my mind. 89 pounds. I'm not really 500 pounds… I'm just 89. It took a few minutes before it dawned me that I only lost 4 lbs in my sleep.

'Only 4 pounds. After I threw up and went through the burning of my throat. I only lost 4 pounds…_I can do better'_

When I came out to the kitchen I found a small plate with a doughnut on it. Next to that there was a note from my mom.

"_Sakura-Chan, I'm going on a mission for a few days. Take care of yourself and I'll be back later. Love, Mom."_

I took the doughnut and added it to my bento box for the day. I couldn't think of what I should pack for lunch. I wouldn't be eating it anyway… so why should it be anything fancy? Or, I could pack my favorite meal so that no one would think that I wasn't going to eat. Kakashi-sensei was probably going to check the bento box afterwards so I thought that I could just leave the food hidden somewhere and take the box back with me. If only, I could be more like Ino and never have to starve myself just to get skinnier. Everything came so easy to everyone else! How come it was so hard for me? I didn't expect losing weight to be easy, but I didn't think that it was this hard either! All you had to do was say no to food right? No big deal. But it was more then that. There was always food lying around everywhere. One look and you would already want to eat it. One taste and you would keep eating and never stop. So why start in the beginning?

In the end I decided to pack something simple. By the time I was finished I looked at the clock. Turns out my clock was an hour behind and now I was an hour late. I came walking out to the bridge thinking that things would be okay because Kakashi is usually a few hours late. When I saw that the Kakashi was standing there with Sasuke and Naruto I began running over to them.

XXX

"Oy, Sasuke!" Naruto pointed his finger at Sasuke's nose. Sasuke looked at Naruto's finger and sighed. "Today I'm going to beat you during training!" Naruto continued rambling on how he was going to defeat Sasuke and become hokage until

Kakashi appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Yo!"

"Kakashi-sensei you're—on time?"

Sasuke smirked at Naruto's behavior.

"Where's Sakura?" Just as Kakashi asked Naruto and Sasuke he heard someone shouting in the distance.

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm so late." I smiled a little and my smile ended when I looked up at Kakashi and he didn't smile or say anything back. There was a moment of silence for a while until Sensei broke it.

"Alright then. Today we will begin training for the chunin exams." At this Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura's ears perked.

"Before we begin anything, I need you to sign these papers." Kakashi held up three sheets of paper that had pictures of us on them. "These are consent forms saying that you will take the exam. If you don't think that you should take the exam then give me back the form, unsigned, and you won't take the exam. I'll give you overnight to think about if you're going to take the exam or not. Today's training will go as planned, except the other rookie teams will be joining us."

Kakashi-sensei leaded us into the middle of the forest where we met up with the other teams. Ino immediately jumped on Sasuke and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Sasuke-kun! I haven't seen you in so long!" Ino's voice was all high and she squealed as she talked to him. Sasuke just made a face and shook her off. Ino pouted a little and turned over to me.

"Hey forehead!" I looked over at Ino and merely said her name. "I lost 10 pounds this past week isn't that great?!"

I looked down at Ino's body. No fat hanging off her. None whatsoever. Her dress showed her small form perfectly. Even though she was skinny she had a curve. Everything about her was flawless, and she barely broke a sweat so she could be perfect. It's always harder for me to do everything. If I was pretty, slim, outgoing, or strong, Ino would always be more. She was everything I wanted to be. She was always better then me. But how was she superior to me when I worked harder then her? It just wasn't fair.

"Sure Ino, you look great." I put on a fake smile so that my words would be more believing. I spoke to her flatly, but she seemed satisfied.

I continued thinking about her. I envied her. Everything about her. But I couldn't sit around and stare. I had to work to defeat her. I was determined. No way was I going to lose to her. I would train harder during our sessions, and I would stay after and train more. I wouldn't let myself eat anything. Nothing at all. No matter what anyone says, I won't let myself eat. Even if Kakashi tries to force me. I won't let it happen. I _will_ get skinny, I _will_ be stronger, and I _will_ win Sasuke's heart. He belongs to me and no one else. No matter what anyone says, I'm going to make it happen. This is my promise to myself.

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**To me, some parts seem kind of random...But I didn't want to make the story go too fast. Thanks for reading!**

**Sakira**


	4. Willpower

**Ok! Here's the next chapter! I know I've said this a lot.. Sorry its so late... I really have no good excuse, except I was being lazy and what not. So... I tried to make this chapter really really long! I hope it makes up for part of the being late thing.. well on with the story!**

**-I don't own Naruto-**

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Chapter 4: Willpower

When we first started training I couldn't get my thoughts out of my head. My goal continued ringing in my ears. There were pads tied onto the trees so we could practice punching them and kicking them. I began punching the trees as hard as I could. My hands began bleeding but I kept punching. I needed to become stronger. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain. Everyone was starting to give me weird looks but then I felt my hands go numb and I looked down at them. Blood was flowing out of my knuckles and dripped to the ground. Kakashi noticed and took me over to the river. We sat in silence as he tended to my wounds. I continued looking down at my hands. The crimson liquid stopped flowing and was starting to dry. When Kakashi moved the wet cloth to clean my hands I winced a little. He looked up at me but he kept on cleaning my hands. When he finished bandaging them up, he told me not to use my hands for a few days or the wounds would open up again. When he walked away I stayed in the same position. No… I can't… I _won't_. This isn't going to stop me from training. I'll push myself past my limit.

When I came back to the training grounds the other two teams already left and everyone was eating. When Naruto saw me he jumped up with my bento box and handed it to me.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-Chan! Want to sit next to me and eat today?" Naruto's eyes were shining and were full of hope.

I looked at the ground for a little and peered up seeing a disappointed Naruto. He looked so depressed, but I wasn't going to eat. "Naruto, I'd love to eat with you today," Naruto perked up "…But I want to be alone for a little and my hands still hurt so some other time ok?" Naruto went back to being down but accepted.

I took my bento box from him and began walking towards the river. I opened the box and began spilling the food out. No way would I risk getting any chubbier. I sighed after a while and sat against the trunk of a tree. Things were getting harder for me. I was getting hungry, my hands were all scratched up, and Kakashi-sensei already knows my secret. I knew things were going to be harsh, and I'm willing to work hard, but when I look at Ino, she doesn't have to work for anything. I placed my face into the palms of my hand and felt tears at the rims of my eyes, threatening to fall. I began getting angry at myself. Why wasn't I like all the rest of the girls? Skinny, pretty, everything I want to be but I'm not. I balled my hand into a fist and hit the ground. It was all so frustrating. I wasn't going to be weak. When there is something thrown in my path I'll go right through it. No more crying.

I stood up and began walking back to the training ground but I was stopped by Kakashi.

"I know what you're doing." I opened my eyes wide and saw Kakashi behind a tree. The two of us stood in the same position.

"Stay out of it. It's _my_ life and _my_ decision and I don't need anyone interfering." I spoke with full confidence, even though I was a little uneasy inside. Kakashi began walking away and I went in the opposite direction.

The training ground I switched to had various targets attached to trees. I quickly pulled out a kunai from its holster, as if I was about to attack an enemy, and threw it at the target. The knife landed in the ring around the bull's eye circle. It's not good enough… I need to be right on target every time. My hand was already throbbing from the one kunai I threw but I pushed myself to ignore it. In a matter of time I was throwing a number of weapons in all directions, almost hitting the targets perfectly.

"Almost isn't good enough!" I screamed in agony regardless of anyone who could hear me nearby. I could feel myself working up tears from my anger. I threw one last shuriken that hit the target perfectly. One direct hit out of all that I threw… Next time, I won't miss the center. I calmed myself and sat down. I was starting to run out of breath and I was hungry. No, I was starving. I felt like I was going to die or something. My stomach felt like it was tossing and turning inside of me. I couldn't train anymore. I was at my limit. I picked up my weapons and started back home.

You would think that I wouldn't be surprised to come home to a silent house, but that's never the case. My mom goes on missions frequently, but I guess I'm always greeted by her when I come home, so when she leaves it's weird. I sat at the table like when I would eat, but instead of eating I thought of my mother. She was always so happy to see me, and would tell me how much she loved me repetitively. When we are together, our personalities match almost perfectly. She passed down many of her traits to me. If there was anything I loved about my life, it would be my mom. She always was there to cheer me up when I was sad. I could tell her anything and she would understand. When I was in need of advice I could go to her and she would help me.

While I was sleeping I heard some sort of knocking. It wasn't until I woke myself up that I knew someone was at the door. I quickly pulled myself out of the bed and ran to the door. It couldn't be my mom, but who was it? If it was my mom she would have the key to the house, and she couldn't be home this early. I was greeted by a person in a mask. An ANBU member.

"Haruno, Sakura." The voice of the ANBU was loud and deep. "I'm sorry to say, that you're mother has been killed. While the medics were trying to heal her, she told someone to give you this." The ANBU member handed me a small piece of paper with my name written on it.

"Okaa-san…" My voice cracked as I said her name. When I looked at the door the ANBU member was already gone. I slowly took my hand and closed the door. 'I'm sorry to say, you're mother has been killed.' I heard the words repeat constantly. 'your mother has been killed.' I began thinking about my mother and all the things she said to me.

"You're so beautiful Sakura! I wouldn't want you to be any other way."

"Sakura-chan, don't think or say bad things about yourself. You're perfect the way you are."

All the words of praise and love, each and every one, she said with all her heart. She wasn't like all my friends that said things like that just to make me feel better, my mom, she actually believed all that she said to me. Not one word of it was a lie to her. Sometimes, I wished that I saw myself the way she did, just to feel satisfied with myself. But every time I told myself that I was as skinny or as pretty as anyone else, I looked in the mirror and saw the complete opposite.

I forgot about the note my mom left for me until I looked down at my hands. When I unfolded it I was stunned at what it said. The note read:

Sakura,

My little cherry blossom.

There is nothing else in the world that I could love besides you.

When I look at you, it's like looking in a mirror and seeing an angel.

I knew that one day, I would die on a mission. And every time I was away from you, I couldn't think about anything else.

Don't be sad about me leaving you, because I would never let that happen. I'll always be with you, watching over you and protecting you.

Keep smiling for me, and don't let anything or anyone bring you down. You're perfect in every way. Don't forget that.

Love always,

Your mom

As I read over the note, I felt tears in the rims of my eyes and I let them fall slowly onto the sheet of paper. They fell, one by one, and I still couldn't take my eyes away from the paper. Thoughts raced through my head at light speed, and yet, I still couldn't accept the fact that my mother was dead. She was gone living in a better place. And I no longer had anyone to talk to. There was no one to listen to me, or make me feel better when I was sad. No one to smile at me and say 'you're perfect.' It was just me now. Me, myself, and I.

I couldn't get my mind off my mom. Even though I knew she was gone, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I did so many things to try to get my mind off her, but everything eventually traced back to her.

When I couldn't think of anything else to do, I went into the kitchen to go through all the food. The first thing I laid my eyes on was the junk food cabinet. Inside held all types or crackers, chips, chocolates, pretzels, candies, and cookies. I immediately took out all my favorites and poured them onto the counter top. I went to the freezer next, pulled out all the flavors of popsicles and ice cream and topped the junk food with them.

I was about to dig in and eat until I couldn't eat anymore, and eat some more. Just like old times when I was depressed. But this time something stopped me. When I picked up the cookie to put it into my mouth and taste the goodness, something inside my head clicked. I thought of the way I looked in my dream. That was what I would become if I didn't control myself now. And I was _defiantly_ not going to let that happen. Food. It was the reason I was the way I was. It was the reason I wasn't like all the other girls. I looked down at the heap of food on the counter.

"You can't control me!" I screamed out and pushed the stack down to the ground. "I won't let you control me! I won't ever want you ever again! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" With every word, I yelled louder. The words of hatred kept pouring out of my mouth. I jumped crushed all the food out of anger with tears falling down my face freely. In a matter of seconds I began throwing all the food in my house onto the kitchen floors. I kept repeating the same words screaming and yelling as loud as I could until my voice cracked. I tried screaming some more but no sound came. This made me more infuriated and I left the mess in the kitchen sauntering out the door slamming it behind me.

Every step I took toward the forest was a stomp with my hands flying in the air to help vent my fuming mood. I walked around circling the trees in the forest until I heard someone breathing heavily. When I looked over to see who it was I saw Sasuke standing in the middle of the trees with his shoulders going up and down. He looked over to where I was standing and I hid behind the tree as fast as I could hoping he didn't see me. I watched him silently as he threw various weapons at the targets hitting the middle every time. Something about his expression showed he wasn't happy with his training, but I didn't see why he wasn't satisfied.

After thinking for a few minutes I went back to my enraged mood. Why couldn't I be like Sasuke hitting every target perfectly every time? Why couldn't I have a body like Ino's when I worked harder then her? It didn't make any sense. I went further into the forest away from Sasuke. And my walk suddenly became a run. I wanted to run away from everything. If there was anything to live for it would be Sasuke, but he didn't want me, so why work to get his attention. I already tried so many times, and none of them worked, so why would it work this time? But then I remembered another reason I was trying to get skinnier. Ino. I wanted to beat her at her own game. I was going to surpass her. I was going to win Sasuke's heart, or die trying. And once I did, I would be happy with myself. But only then would I be happy. I kept running until I realized I was at the bridge where we met every day. I stopped and leaned against the rail. It was only then when I realized I was breathing heavily. My legs were limp underneath me, and I was lightheaded again. I brought my hand up to support my head and tried to steady my breathing. It took longer then it usually did but eventually, my pulse and breathing was back to normal.

I finally decided I needed to go home to clean up the mess I created before I left. As I walked home I felt more dizzy and faint then I did before. Every step I took felt like I was going in slow motion and the rest of the world was slowly catching up. I swayed slightly reaching out to try to catch my balance, finding only air around me. When I got home I easily opened the door and locked it when I was inside. I looked over to the kitchen and there were crumbs from chips and empty plastic bags strewn across the tile. The ice cream and popsicles melted creating a sticky liquid. I sighed and pulled out a trash bag and began cleaning up.

By the time I was done cleaning the sun was out and I needed to go out to the bridge. I was going to train harder then ever before. I was going to prove that I wasn't weak, and if I was I was going to become stronger. I washed my face and put on my usual outfit.

When I was at the bridge I saw Sasuke leaning back on the rail. I waved and opened my mouth to greet him, but then I remembered that I couldn't talk. He looked over at me and nodded slightly and went back to his original stance. I went over next to him and put my arms in front of me on the edge of the rail and leaned over to rest my head. I closed my eyes slightly tired from my interrupted sleep. Then I realized that I completely forgot about my mom. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again but I didn't let them fall.

Naruto came soon after and Kakashi was earlier then usual. We began our mission right away, and finished in a matter of minutes. After we went on training and took a break to eat. I noticed that Naruto began looking at me suspiciously, and I felt Kakashi glare at me occasionally. No one said anything about me skipping lunch and I went to the other training grounds to the padded trees. When I first hit the tree I felt a jolt of pain go through my arm up to my shoulder. I opened my mouth to scream out, but nothing came out. The pain only pushed me harder and I hit the tree repetitively until my hands and arms were so numb I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I began to ask myself why. Why did my mom have to leave me? Everything was already bad for me, and now her leaving made it even worse. Why did Sasuke shun everyone? Why didn't he notice me? Why didn't he notice my effort to win his attention, and when I did why did he just push me away? My hands began to bleed a little but I kept punching the tree out of my anger. Why why why? Why was it always me? Why did people always make fun of me? Why was I the way I was? Why did I want Sasuke so much?

I desperately wanted someone that I could love that would love me back. My mom was the person that loved me more then anything, and I loved her back, but she was taken away from me. But why was that?

I wanted to scream, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't live with myself. I wanted to be perfect, just like everyone else. Everyone was perfect then. Everyone with the exception of me. I hit the tree one last time before attempting to scream again, but this time it worked. Somehow, I screamed. It came out as more of a screech, but I still screamed and fell to the ground in a crouched position against the tree. My arms hugged my knees tightly and my face was buried in the middle. I began bawling again. Kakashi and Naruto came over to me with shock all over their faces, and Sasuke merely looked at me and scoffed. I didn't care though. I continued sobbing. I wanted so much I knew I would never get, and yet I still wanted to work to get it. My quiet cries were even and I hiccupped every now and then. I knew if I tried to stop myself from crying it would only make me cry harder so I stayed in the same position for a while.

"Training is over now. Go home." Kakashi commanded Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto was about to complain, but Kakashi put his hand up to stop him and he left. Sasuke on the other hand left without a simple complaint, but I knew he was still going to train.

Kakashi crouched over next to me and asked "Do you want to talk about it?" I looked up at him with surprise in my eyes and he was slightly smiling. I thought about it for a little. 'Do you want to talk about it?' the last thing on my mind was to talk to Kakashi, but I was too depressed to feel anger. I shook my head no and buried my face deeper.

"I'm here if you need me." Kakashi got up and left me as I stayed in the same position. I got up and went to the other training grounds to practice with shuriken.

The first one I threw missed the target completely. I ignored it and took out another one. I threw it without a care if it hit the target or not. This time it hit right on the line before the center. The next few followed hitting the target in all places except the middle. I kept throwing until I was out of weapons. When I finally finished there wasn't one that hit the center. The closest I ever got was the second one I threw. I went to pick up all my weapons to try practicing again, but I was too tired already. By the time I finished collecting the weapons I wanted to lay down and sleep. I walked back to my house slowly with my head looking at the ground the whole way. When I got home I kept walking at the same pace to my bed. I fell down lifelessly and closed my eyes into a deep slumber.

When I woke up the next morning I didn't feel refreshed at all. I was even more tired then yesterday and my stomach was killing me. It was five o clock in the morning and I was usually on my way out to the bridge by now. But I couldn't care less whether I was late or not. My feet shuffled against the wooden floors as I walked to take a shower. I took a glance at the scale and was tempted to get on it, but I didn't care about my weight anymore. I still looked the same when I looked at myself in the mirror, except my eyes held no trace of happiness.

When I was outside on my way to the bridge I walked with the same dragging of my feet. I was expecting some rain, maybe because of my mood but when I looked up to the sky there was no trace of any clouds. The sun was bright shining above the village. I looked over and saw a group of kids running and laughing. At least there were other people that were happy.

When I was at the bridge Naruto and Sasuke were there already. Naruto came up to me with a bright smile and waved, but I hardly noticed and went to lean against the railing of the bridge again. Naruto began pestering me about why I was so quiet, but I ignored him so he stopped. When Kakashi arrived there was an awkward silence. Kakashi broke the hushed mood and we began training. There was a few questioning looks from everyone but I was oblivious and continued walking slowly behind them.

I felt no incentive to train. So I just did what I was supposed to throwing kunai and hitting trees. When it was time for lunch I sat and watched everyone as they ate. No one said a word to me and Naruto wasn't ranting either. The only things I heard were the trees rustling as the wind blew.

Every day went the same way. We would meet up at the bridge and Naruto would go on about something and no one else said a word. Day after day after day… I didn't eat a thing anymore. Not just because I threw everything out already, or because I was afraid to get fat, but because I didn't want to. The temptation wasn't even there for me anymore. I would wake up to an empty stomach, but I didn't want to eat. When I got home I would sit on the chair staring blankly into air and after the hours passed I would go to sleep and repeat the same thing.

With every passing day I felt a little part of myself leaving me. On the third day when I went out to the bridge I was more faint and tired. Dark circles shadowed under my eyes, and the sway in my walk was even larger now. When it was time for lunch, today I went out to the river. The sound of water flowing always relaxed me. The cool feel on my feet was invigorating. On the way back I couldn't help but overhear Naruto talking to Sasuke and Kakashi.

"Oy, Sasuke! Have you noticed Sakura has been acting differently lately? I want to know what's wrong, but she's probably going to come up with some excuse. Hey! Listen to me!"

Sasuke looked up at Naruto with his eyebrow raised.

"Do you know what's wrong with her? She hasn't been eating, she hasn't been talking, she looks like she hasn't been sleeping well… it all just makes me worry about her. Don't you think she's starting to look… well unhealthy?"

"Hn. I couldn't care less about her."

Naruto began throwing a fit as usual. "How can you say that!? She's your own teammate and all you do is stand around and watch her as she rots away!"

"Naruto…" Kakashi began to join the conversation. "Calm down."

"I can't help it if I care about Sakura! I just want to know why she's acting differently!" Naruto continued talking until Sasuke finally spoke.

"It's called anorexia."

"Anor-what?" Naruto's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about what Sasuke said.

"Anorexia. It's when a person starves themselves because they think they're fat."

"But Sakura isn't fat! She's always been skinny! And now she's even skinnier then before!"

I walked out in front of everyone and spoke. "You're wrong. All of you."

"Then why don't you explain to us what's been going on?" Kakashi looked over at me. "Let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I began walking away but his hands were on my shoulders.

"Yes, you are." His words were separated.

I spoke with confidence, "_No_, I'm not."

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my neck and the world around me was fading slowly.

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**Thanks for reading! Again, sorry it was late! The next chapter should be out in two weeks or less. And it's going to be another long chapter because this was so late. Please don't give up on the story! **


	5. Leave Me Alone

**Oh shoot. I'm one day late. Lol. Well I honestly thought that I was supposed to update today, but it turns out I was supposed to update yesterday. This chapter... was actually not that hard to write. I have the next 3 chapters planned and I just need to sit at my computer and write the actual chapters. This one isn't as long as the last one, but I'm planning on updating sooner. Hope that makes up for it.**

**-I Don't Own Naruto-**

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Chapter 5: Leave Me Alone

I woke up in an unfamiliar place. My head hurt and everything was swirling. I saw a bit a black, grey, and blonde. Everything started clearing up slowly. Finally I saw everyone's faces. Kakashi's and Sasuke's held no emotion, but Naruto's looked different. It wasn't bright but it held something else. It looked saddened.

"Good you're awake. Care to tell us what's going on?" Kakashi looked over at me as he spoke.

"_No_, now let me go." I didn't want to talk to anyone. In fact, I didn't see what there was to talk about.

"Sakura. We need to know what's going on." His voice was now firm.

"Nothing's going on. I don't know what you're talking about." I turned to my right away from everyone. I was about to go for the door but when I tried to walk my legs failed me and I fell.

Naruto ran over reached over the help me up but I slapped his hand away.

"I don't need any help." I got back up and tried to walk again. I was about to start running but Kakashi caught me.

"Just tell us why you've been acting so differently."

"Don't touch me!" I screamed and turned around to punch him in the face but he caught my fist.

"Sakura, calm down." His voice was firm but still stayed at the same volume.

"Get away from me I just want to be alone!" I took my other hand and tried to punch him again but he just caught it. I finally gave up and fell to the floor crying.

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto came over to me and put his arm around me.

"Go away. Just leave me alone." I spoke with spaces between my words.

"Tch. What a waste of time." Sasuke began walking out the door and Naruto backed away from me.

"Naruto, go home. I'll take care of Sakura. Don't worry." I could tell Naruto wanted to stay with me, but he left and I heard the door close. Kakashi crouched over and looked at me just like in the training ground. "What would you like me to do?"

"…Nothing. Just let me leave."

"Are you Hungry?"

"No."

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"Let's get you home then."

"I can get there by myself. I'm not a kid."

"Let's go." Kakashi ignored me and pulled me off the ground. No one spoke the whole way to my house.

When we arrived I took out my key and opened the door. Before getting in I politely thanked Kakashi for taking me home and closed the door. I felt hungry again, but I didn't want to eat. I wasn't as sad as I used to be when I thought of my mom, but the pain was still there. I opened the refrigerator to find nothing. I looked in the cabinets and they were empty. There was nothing to eat. I finally thought that it would be good because I wouldn't gain any weight. I was too busy thinking about my mom I forgot all about my diet. _'My diet… how much weight have I lost since last time…?' _

I ran over to the scale putting my hand against the wall for balance once I got in the bathroom. I almost jumped on the scale and waited for the numbers to pop up.

"79… At this rate… I won't be…" I flopped down sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom. "_I can do better…_ I haven't been training that much either… how am I going to be strong? I keep telling myself I'm going to do something, but I never do it... That's all going to change." I stood up but instead of getting ready to sleep I went to train.

I trained past my limit but I still kept going. By the time I was finished I could barely move. My chest lifted and flattened as I was breathing. I was fighting my eyes to stay open but I was too tired and they drooped closed.

I began waking up when I heard Naruto and Sasuke talking.

"What happened to Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know. I found her like this." Sasuke spoke the same way as always, emotionlessly.

I opened up my eyes and blinked a few times before my vision became clear. When I sat up I was greeted by Naruto throwing his arms around me in a tight hug.

"I can't breathe." I spoke with a raspy voice but Naruto let go immediately.

"You had me worried Sakura-chan!" He was practically yelling as loud as he could in my ear. I just stood up and walked away towards the bridge. Naruto started running after me but Sasuke stopped him and pulled him back. I couldn't hear their conversation very well, but I didn't think I needed to worry about it. Naruto would scream out disagreeing with Sasuke every now and then but finally approved.

Kakashi found us all separated in different parts of the bridge. Naruto was keeping himself busy kicking and punching the tree a few times. Sasuke was on the opposite side of the bridge then me.

"Kakashi-sensei! You're late!" Naruto turned around and pointed a finger at Kakashi. Training was going normal for the most part. It seemed more like when we first became genin. Naruto was ranting about something unimportant, and Sasuke was being quiet as usual. I saw that Naruto and Sasuke were looking back at each other throughout training. Kakashi was off somewhere reading 'icha icha' and I was trying to ignore Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto's endless talking was getting on my nerves and I knew they noticed it. I hit the trees harder then I usually would and Naruto would keep talking. Kakashi kept looking up from his book with a raised eyebrow and nodded at Sasuke when their eyes met.

Naruto wouldn't stop talking and I came up behind him and nailed him hard on the head. "Naruto-baka! Shut up already! You're annoying!" He fell unconscious and I slumped against a tree rubbing my temples. "Finally…" I muttered to myself.

"Sakura." Sasuke looked over to me.

"What." I answered sharply.

"Fight me. You're stronger now." Sasuke changed his stance into an offense.

I stood up and looked at him. "Fine." I took a defensive stance and he lunged at me with a kunai in hand.

I pulled a kunai from my pouch and jumped at him to block off the attack. We both went backwards and I slipped slightly. I tried to catch my balance so I didn't notice the three shuriken coming my way. I blocked two of them before they hit me and tried to move away. I was barely out of the way before the third shuriken hit me, and it slit my arm causing blood to drip slowly. I lunged at Sasuke this time and tried to nail him with taijutsu. He blocked my foot and I twisted to punch him in the gut. He blocked my hand too and threw me back. I was breathing hard now and Sasuke was barely sweating. I threw my kunai at him and he caught it and threw it back so it would only cut my cheek. I was too tired to move so I let Sasuke make the next move.

He started to make hand signs for a jutsu and I was watching him closely. By the time he got to the tiger seal I knew he was planning on a fire jutsu. I tried to run out of the way or distract him so he couldn't complete the jutsu. But then I saw a giant fireball come towards me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the burning to come, but when I opened my eyes there was no fire and Kakashi was standing in the middle of us.

"That's enough."

I sighed and sat looking at the ground in defeat. I heard Sasuke's footsteps coming to me and I looked up at him.

"You're still weak. Stop trying to impress me and go back to your old self. Everyone is worried about you."

"Whatever. I can do what I want to." I stood up and began walking away. "Kakashi-sensei, I'm leaving."

I went to my room when I got home. I was lying on my bed for a little trying to think of something to do. My stomach growled slightly, but I ignored it and tried to get my mind off eating. I would go train, but I didn't want to see anyone. I was still lying in bed when I heard someone knocking at the door.

I got up to go answer the door, and halfway there the person was knocking repetitively. I was a few steps away from the door and I heard Naruto yelling.

"Sakura-chan! Are you home? Answer the door please! Sakura-chan!" His hand was balled into a fist in the air when I opened the door, a stunned look on his face.

"What do you want, Naruto?" I spoke with an annoyed tone.

"Oh, I was just wondering… do you want to go to Ichiraku with me? I mean, we haven't really talked very much and you left training early…"

"No." Naruto's foot caught the door before I closed it.

"Please Sakura-chan? You always told me that you would go out with me, but you never did."

"Now's not the time Naruto." He stepped into my house.

"Then can we eat here?" I looked at him surprised. He was so desperate to date me.

I sighed in defeat. "Fine, we can go to Ichiraku, but only for a little bit." He jumped and hugged me and took my hand.

"Let's go then Sakura-chan!" His smile was so big it showed all of his teeth. I couldn't help but smile back gently.

The whole way I was trying to think of a way to get out of eating. If I did eat, which I wasn't planning to, I would only eat a little. Maybe, I wouldn't even finish the smallest bowl they had. Naruto would probably be happy if I just sat there and talked to him, but he would be a little uneasy at first. As we got closer to Ichiraku, I could smell the food from all the restaurants. Barbecue pork, fried dumplings, egg rolls, miso soup, everything from appetizers to desert, their smells were mouthwatering.

"Ah! Naruto-kun! You're back!" The owner greeted Naruto with a big smile.

Naruto smiled just as big and replied, "Yeah, I haven't come here in a while."

"So, what will you have today?" The owner took out two bowls.

"Sakura-chan? What do you want?" Naruto turned over to me.

"Oh, I'm not really hungry Naruto… I ate a little when I got home." My stomach was objecting to my words, but it was for the best.

"But Sakura-chan, it's no fun if you don't eat something! Eat a little!" he changed his face to a pout, "Please?"

"Naruto…" I sighed. "I'm really not hungry..." I looked down.

"Oh I know! You can have a bite of mine!" I was about to say no, but Naruto already ordered the biggest bowl they had. Naruto looked at me and smiled just as big as before. I looked back at him and smiled a small smile.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan! Has anything been going on lately? You were crying the other day and I was just wondering…"

"It was nothing." I tried to make my voice sound soft, but I spoke harsher then I intended. "You don't need to worry about it." I could tell he was about to beg me to tell him, but a giant bowl of ramen was set in front of us.

"I've been so hungry for Ichiraku ramen!" Naruto reached out and broke a pair of chopsticks immediately. "Itadakimasu!" Naruto attacked the bowl and slurped up a bunch of noodles.

"Sakura-chan! Have a bite it's really good!" He pushed the bowl in front of me. I pushed the bowl back at him and refused to eat.

"I know! I'll feed you!" He took his chopsticks and picked up a smaller amount of noodles. I was going to shake my head no, but when it was right in front of me I leaned my mouth forward and ate it. Naruto watched me as I ate and closed my eyes in satisfaction. I never liked ramen that much, but it was even better since I hadn't been eating.

"See! I told you it was good Sakura-chan! Do you want anymore?" I nodded and he fed me another batch of noodles. It was better then the first time.

"Naruto, I don't want anymore." I forced a smile. "You can eat the rest." My stomach was yearning for more food and my mouth wanted another taste. I wanted to eat the whole bowl that Naruto ordered, but one look at the owner's daughter and I was reminded what I needed to do. It was already bad enough that I left training early, and now I ate? Ayane was still skinny even though her father owned a ramen shop. I emptied my house of all its food and I was still fat.

"So Sakura-chan… Are you sure you're ok? You can trust me with anything you know." Naruto interrupted my thoughts.

"I told you Naruto, you don't need to worry about me." I was getting a little annoyed at his probing questions. "I think I should go home now."

"Wait! Let me take you home!" He quickly finished his bowl of ramen and paid for it.

"Naruto, I can get home by myself. I'm leaving." I started walking away.

"Thanks Sakura-chan. For going out with me." Naruto hugged me from behind.

"You're welcome Naruto…" I spoke softly and continued walking home.

When I got home I ran to the scale and hopped on.

'79 pounds… I didn't lose anything today… not yet at least… I'm need to lose more weight. No, I'm _going_ to lose more weight.'

I stormed out of the bathroom and was stopped by a white paper on the counter. It was the chunin exam permission slip. I took out a pen and signed it. If anything would help Sasuke notice me, it would be becoming a chunin. I will get Sasuke to notice me, I will get skinny, and I will become stronger.

I stuffed the paper into my weapon bag and went out the door to the training ground. The only thing that was running through my mind was the words that I spoke so many times.

"_I can do better…"_

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**I really hope the chapter was okay... I wasn't exactly happy about this one, and I'm getting kind of nervous about the story not being... realistic. Next chapter is going to be filled with the same self-hate. I'm not planning for it to be as long as the last two have been (and now that I went to the story and looked at how long the chapters were they're not exactly that long...) but I should have it up by Saturday or Sunday. And the chapter after should be up in the same two weeks or less. I'm hoping for a week, but I don't know. My other story (Don't be shy) really needs to be updated, and it's hard for me to write it. Sorry if the chapter wasn't what you expected it to be...**


	6. The Perfect Imperfection

**So sorry. Oh so very sorry for the EXTREMELY late chapter. I had MAJOR writers block. x[ but... thanks to LINKIN PARK my writers block went away. Anyways. forgive me please... And, I think that I'm going to be updating every two weeks. if not less then two weeks. And if something happens I'll be sure to tell you guys. :**

**-i dont own-**

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_Chapter 6: The Perfect Imperfection 

I found myself taking out my anger on the padded trees rather then just training. In the beginning, I started out hitting the trees at a steady pace. I kept trying to hit harder each time. My pace began to slow, and I tried to bring it up again. Every time I felt myself wanting to stop and rest I pushed myself even harder. I wasn't going to give up this time.

My arms started getting numb, so I started running laps around the training ground. I didn't even get halfway through my first lap before I felt a need to stop and rest. My heart was beating uncontrollably, making it feel like it was going to jump out of my chest. I kept running, though. Except, instead of finishing my lap, I ran toward my house. I tripped a few times and my heart started beating faster. I could barely breathe now too. When I got to my house I leaned over on the door and tried to slow my pulse.

When I finally got my breathing and heart under control I went inside and took a shower. I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror, so I kept my gaze down at the ground. My eyes trailed off and looked at the scale. After one small glance at it I looked away. I didn't want to know my weight either.

I walked back into my room and lied on my bed. My arms and legs were spread out. My eyes and head were heavy. I shut my eyes slowly and fell into a deep slumber.

Things seemed like they were going back to normal when everyone met at the bridge. Naruto would greet everyone and start talking about ramen. Kakashi was late, as usual.

"The chunin exams are coming up soon. So… Today, instead of regular training, we're going to do a chakra control exercise." Everyone looked over at Kakashi curious. "Let me explain. You're going to focus chakra down to your feet," Kakashi made a hand sign, and I guessed that he was focusing his chakra.

"And you simply run up the tree." I looked at Kakashi wide eyed. He was standing upside down on the branch.

"Use these kunai to mark the highest you can go, and build up until you get to the top of the tree." He threw 3 kunai in front of Sasuke, Naruto, and me. "You may begin."

After watching Naruto and Sasuke and seeing that they only got a few feet up the tree I thought the exercise would be hard. Turns out, it was actually pretty easy. I finished going up the tree in about an hour. After I came down and gave Kakashi my signed permission slip, I was ready to leave.

Kakashi stopped me before I took a step. "Sakura, how about training with me for a little while? It doesn't look like Sasuke and Naruto are going to finish anytime soon."

"I," I was thinking of refusing, but there was nothing else to do. "Sure Kakashi-sensei. Why not?"

We sparred a few times, and he beat me every time. Occasionally I would look to see how far Sasuke was. By the end of my third spar with Kakashi, Sasuke was pretty much done with the exercise. I looked over to Naruto and he was going at about the same pace.

"I think that's enough for today Sakura. Naruto and Sasuke are almost done anyway. Nice work, you've improved a lot."

Kakashi took us out for dinner after Naruto and Sasuke mastered the exercise. My hunger now was worse then before. We all walked into the restaurant and I was surrounded by people happily eating and enjoying themselves. My stomach growled and I could tell that my mouth was watering now. I mentally shook my head, denying my hunger. I was following everyone to the table wordlessly. I didn't notice that we were ordering until I felt all of their eyes on me.

"Sakura, do you want anything else to eat?" Kakashi asked me.

"Oh, I'm, um, I'm fine." I didn't think that I would be eating.

But then I thought about the last time I went out to eat with the rest of team seven. Kakashi kept looking at me, Naruto was the same, but Sasuke didn't even glance in my direction. My thoughts trailed off to try and figure out what everyone ordered. I was too busy trying to convince myself that I wasn't hungry that I didn't even hear what we were getting. I didn't even know what type of restaurant we were in. The thought of food made me hungry again.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan! What did you and Kakashi-sensei do while me and Sasuke were running up the trees?" His voice was loud and eyes full of curiosity.

"We were just training…" I tried to keep my voice normal. I really didn't feel like talking today. I could tell Naruto wanted me to go more into detail.

Lucky for me, the waiter came out with our food. I was trying to keep my eyes away from the food, but once I saw it I couldn't look away. It was the same food I ate last time we went out. I remembered how I could barely control my eating. I remembered the burn in my throat after I threw up.

And, most importantly, I remembered my mom. The worry that shown in her eyes when I came into the kitchen, her unsteady voice asking if I was okay. That was the last time I saw her, and she wasn't even smiling.

I stood up quickly knocking into the table a little. I wanted to leave now more then ever. I wasn't going to lose control over myself again. I worked too hard.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow.

"I'm leaving," My voice quivered.

"Aw, Sakura-chan! You haven't eaten anything yet! This is all Kakashi's treat!" Naruto's loud voice interrupted.

"I-I'm not hungry… I can eat something at home…" I tried to make an excuse.

"The food's already here though! Come on Sakura-chan!"

"Naruto, I'll handle it." Sasuke suddenly spoke out and took my arm.

"Sasuke-kun… let go…" I tried to break his grip, but he tightened it. "Let go!" He ignored me and took me to the restaurant entrance.

"Sakura, look at me." I turned slowly to Sasuke and made eye contact. His eyes were lifeless and black. "Now, I don't know what it is you're doing, but whatever it is you need to stop. I already told you, everyone is worried about you, and when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_. I only want to say this one last time. **Stop trying to impress me and start eating.**"

I didn't know what to say after that. If it was someone else telling me that and not Sasuke, I probably would've ignored it. Coming from Sasuke, it actually mattered, and he made it sound like he _cared_.

"Sasuke… I-" he cut me off before I could say anything else.

"Sakura, don't get your hopes up. You're nothing more to me then a teammate." I mentally hit myself. What was I thinking? Sasuke cared for me? Yeah right, only in my dreams.

I broke away from his gaze and made my way back to the table with Sasuke following behind me.

"Sakura-chan! So you're going to eat right?" Naruto was still as hyper as ever.

I smiled at him and picked up a pair of chopsticks. Everyone ate in peace. Naruto started most of the conversations and he was the last to talk. I started off nibbling on rice and made my way to the meat. No one bothered me about eating, because there was no need to. I was already stuffing my face. It was just like last time, except I wasn't hungry today. I was starving.

I could barely walk after dinner. I was too full. My mind was full of pictures of me eating. I could barely recognize myself. I was a monster. A monster with no self control whatsoever. The tears started coming on, and I made no effort to stop them. I was trying to figure out a way to get rid of all the food. The first thing I thought of was throwing it all back up again, but the burn in my throat would be too much for me to handle. There was also the option of working it all off, but that would take a long time. I could also take a laxative or diet pills of some sort, but that was out of the picture.

The only reasonable choice was to work it off. I grimaced at the thought. It was going to take a long time to work it all off. Not to mention it wouldn't be easy either. After all, lately I was getting tired easily.

My plan was to start working the weight off the second I got home, but I ran to the bathroom mirror first. At first I looked exactly the same, but gradually I saw myself with more extra skin hanging on the side of my stomach. I looked down toward my stomach and tried to pinch the side of it. There was less excess fat then before, but there was still some there. I looked back up to the mirror and glared at my self. Then I looked over to the scale.

I walked over to it to pick it up. I looked at it for another moment and screamed out. The scale came flying out of my fingers and hit the mirror shattering it to pieces.

"What's wrong with you!?" I shouted at myself. "I can't even look at you! Do you know what you've done to yourself?! You just threw away all of your hard work! Do you want to be a failure!?" I kept yelling and screaming out.

I stomped out of the bathroom and into my room. The exercise mat was put up against the wall. I snatched it from the corner and slapped it to the floor. I started with simple sit ups and I found a shoebox under my bed. I looked to see what was inside and I found multiple types of candy and cookies. The box held all my favorite sweets that I would pull out and eat when I was depressed.

I held a chocolate bar in hand and thought of when I first became genin and Sasuke called me annoying.

I opened the chocolate bar, took a whiff and took a bite. I felt it melt inside my mouth. The memories started coming back to me.

_A longer time ago, when I didn't know Ino, kids would make fun of me because of my oversized forehead. I would come home crying and my mom would ask me what's wrong. I told her the same thing every day and she would kiss my forehead and tell me it was perfect the way it was. Then at night I would take a handful of hard candy and eat all of them. _

I picked up my favorite flavor lollipop and stuck it into my mouth.

_And there was also the time I found out my dad was killed. My mom wouldn't talk very much, and I worried about her a lot. Sometimes I would hear her sobbing in the living room when I couldn't sleep. Then, the next day I would come home from the academy and eat spoonfuls of my favorite ice cream: chocolate chip cookie dough. _

I dug around for a cookie and stared at it in my hand. My vision became blurred from my tears, and I took a bite out of the cookie.

My eyes started to swell up, but I went on thinking about all the times I pulled this same box from under my bed. I tipped the box upside down and the contents spilled out. Looking at the candy was like looking at a rainbow. There were different colors showing the different flavors. I brushed my hand over them to spread them out evenly and smiled slightly to myself.

'I can eat some right? It can't hurt me that much. It'll be nothing compared to dinner. I'm going to end up working it off anyway'

'**Just eat it Sakura. You know you want to!**' The devil inside of me began speaking. '**Look at the food Sakura! It's all of your favorites! How can you give up something like this? It would be a waste to throw it all away!**'

I looked away from the candy. 'Yes, it would be a waste…'

'**Well then at least finish what you took a bite of! Look at it. Smell its sugary goodness. It's even better when you taste it.**'

'Look what it has already done!' I walked over to the long mirror in my room. "You see this?! You see what it has done to me?!" I didn't notice I was screaming out loud. "You see what food has done to me?! All it has done was mend the old problems at that time and create new ones just so I can mend those too! And what happens then? I become this." I pointed at my body as I spoke. "All the fat piles up all over." I pulled at any hanging skin I could find. "And then I get depressed and eat some more." I picked up a handful from the stack of candy. "What happens then?! I get fatter!" I threw the candy at the mirror.

"And then, I look around me, and everyone else except me is perfect. I feel like an outcast. Like everything about me is messed up. People constantly make fun of me, and I go eat more. Then people make fun of me even more." I sat down in front of the mirror looking at myself as I was talking. "I want this…I want this so bad…but it's so hard… But I'm not like anyone else. I'm the complete opposite. I've always been. Why can't I be perfect too? Why can't my life be perfect like theirs? They get everything they want. They live happy lives. But why don't I?" I stood up and looked down at the ground.

I curved my mouth to form a smirk. The muscles in my face felt stiff. "I know what I'm perfect at…" My mouth opened to show my teeth a little. I looked up at myself in the mirror and whispered the next few words. "I'm the perfect imperfection."

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**I know I took a while on the chapter... and I'm not exactly happy with it... I wanted to get this one up. Even if it is kind of like a "filler." The next chapter is called 'Determination' and here's a little overview of it because I updated so late.**

-There's going to be more talking about the chunin exam (and the exam is going to be a little different then the anime, so let's see how that goes)

-As you can see through the title, Sakura is getting more determined.

**here's a quote from Sakura**

"There was nothing in the world that was more important to me. It was my only reason for living."

**Thanks for reading!**


	7. Determination

**Majorly LATE chapter, i know. And... I have a reason. but you don't want to hear it. The chapter isn't exactly long either, but I'm uploading two chapters, (i would've made it into one, but they didn't go well together) On with the story!**

**-idontownnaruto-**

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Chapter 7: Determination

I stayed as far away from mirrors and scales as I could. I couldn't take myself anymore. If I wasn't me, I would've probably committed suicide by now. That's what I am. Suicidal, but not exactly. I promised myself something. I promised myself I would become perfect, just like everyone else. _Perfect._ Everyone says it's not possible to be perfect, but I don't understand it. If it's impossible to be perfect, then why would someone make the word up in the beginning? And, everyone around me looks perfect. No one else has a problem. Everyone is happy. No one is feeling any pain. Well, with the exception of me.

I keep going on and on about how I'm so inferior compared to someone else. I keep repeating the same words over and over. But I still see no difference. I'm not any happier, in fact; I think I became worse then before. My world is full of depression. I'm sick of repeating the same words in my mind. I'm sick of it all. I can already tell, I've lost weight, I'm skinnier now. But how come I'm not any happier? I just feel slow and lazy all the time now. And, if I'm lazy, how can I become stronger. I improved with weapons, but I feel weaker.

I'm supposed to be getting happier, but everything is getting worse. I thought harder as I walked out to the training grounds. Then it finally occurred to me. I still didn't have Sasuke. It was like, he was so much further then me, and I was trying to work my way up to him. He never got any closer though, not even a little bit. I was still chasing him, just like a fan girl. Was I still a fan girl to him? I already knew he could care less about me, but what if he was hiding something. I tried to remember what he said to me at dinner.

'Now, I don't know what it is you're doing, but whatever it is you need to stop. I already told you, everyone is worried about you, and when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_. I only want to say this one last time. **Stop trying to impress me and start eating.**'

I knew that thinking he cared about me would only hurt me more, but I couldn't help myself. There was just something about his words, the way he said them, something about it just didn't seem like the normal Sasuke.

'…everyone is worried about you, and when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_.'

Did that mean he was worried too? No, it couldn't. Sasuke would never care would he?

I kept walking, completely in my own world. My thoughts went wild as I tried to keep up with them. I had to make an extra effort to concentrate. Since I wasn't really paying any attention to my surroundings, I didn't notice someone walking in my direction and I literally ran into them.

"Ow!" I staggered backwards a few steps trying to catch my balance. I was surprised when I saw Sasuke looking down at me. His face impassive. "Sorry." I went to my left to get out of his way but he followed me.

"It's late. You shouldn't be out here." He still spoke in monotone.

"I like to train at night, the weather is cooler." I quickly lied. "Why would _you_ care anyway?" I spat, a little anger in my voice. I regretted the words then. He seemed to care… I was on my way to winning him. But how could I be sure he wasn't acting?

"Go home, Sakura. You look like you could use some rest." He sounded slightly concerned, but he left anyway.

I went on out to the training grounds. Training had already become a part of my daily routine. Every day was the same. I would go out to the bridge, train, and then when everyone left, I would train some more. If I ever got tired, I would be too worn out to go home, so I napped outside, being lulled by the sound of cawing birds and chirping crickets. When I woke up, my muscles ached, so I trudged back home. I would walk strait to the bathroom and sit inside the bathtub relaxing and enjoying the warm water. Then I would go to sleep, and wake up the next morning to go out to the bridge.

Today, however, was different. Kakashi was busy talking about the chunin exam. It was two weeks away, and I couldn't be any more anxious.

"I can't tell you what they're going to do for the exam, but the conditions will be drastic. Since the exam is designed to test your abilities, I will only meet with you a week before the exam. Until then, you're free to train whenever you want to. Use your time wisely." Kakashi left quickly after that, and Sasuke went off too.

I could tell Naruto was planning on asking me to train with him, so I left without giving him a look. The last thing I wanted to do was train with _him_. Now, without everyone on my case, I could finally be left alone to do whatever I wanted.

A week without Naruto.

A week without Kakashi.

A week without Sasuke.

I smiled to myself for a moment. I was free.

I trained even harder Rock Lee himself. There were times that I couldn't tell if I was actually improving or not. Nevertheless, I would push myself. The exam was the only thing on my mind. That and my other lifelong goal. There was nothing in the world that was more important to me. Just like Sasuke, it was my only reason for living.

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**I hope the chapter didn't suck as much as I thought it did. Go on, read the next chapter :**


	8. Side Effects

**Next chapter. :**

**-i dont own.-**

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Chapter 8: Side Effects

A week passed by fast, but I couldn't be any more satisfied with myself. I didn't allow myself to let myself go for one minute. I put my all into everything I did, and I guess it paid off.

I never thought of food. I never got hungry. The only thing that bothered me was when I saw my teammates looking over at me. Naruto went back to being loud and he's still keeping that up, but Sasuke is paying more attention to me. Which is probably good. Kakashi didn't bother me as much anymore either. And when he did, I gave him the same reply, "Forget about me, you wouldn't understand, so it wouldn't matter." He actually left me alone too.

I could control myself better. I was powerful. Training was great, and if I kept it up, I would be able to pass the chunin exam easily. Sasuke would, or should be impressed, Ino would be jealous, and life would be even more perfected. Actually, life was already perfect, except for the fact I wasn't able to do as many things as before. I would get tired after ten minutes, and it would take me at least twenty minutes to get back home because I had to make sure I didn't fall. Not to mention, I had to make an effort to concentrate. I would be bruised merely by falling, and I felt cold almost all the time. I have to admit, Anorexia has its drawbacks, but it felt good. I was proud to be anorexic. I was skinny. I was beautiful, just like my mother said.

I knew she would be happy for me. She would be happy because I was happy now. I wasn't an outcast like before. Now, I fit right in.

I felt light as I ran with Sasuke and Naruto, even though I found myself lagging further and further behind them. My throat burned, my lungs begged for air, and my legs were about to fail beneath me, but I kept pushing. I would _never_ give up. I still needed to catch up to Naruto and Sasuke, and how was I going to do that if I stopped? We kept running, and I was further back now. They were so far away their heads disappeared into the horizon. I finally gave up, as much as I didn't want to, and went at my own pace. Every now and then I would make a desperate attempt to speed up, but I ended up tripping over my own two feet.

I got about halfway through my first lap when I fell over. I gasped for air, and my arms held me up for support. My eyes closed for a moment so I could relax. My body fell over as I kept panting. My eyes squinted when I saw someone coming my way. It was Sasuke. He already finished his first lap.

"Sakura?" he turned his head down to look at me.

"My head hurts!" I groaned and turned over on my side. I was expecting him to shake me off and leave me there, but instead I felt his arms reach under me to lift me up.

"What are you doing?" I asked, suddenly feeling wide awake.

"You're really light." He commented, ignoring my question.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked again, more jumpy this time.

"You need your rest. You've been training too much already." He stated simply.

"I'm fine! Put me down!" I struggled out of his arms and fell on the concrete. It took a second for me to pull myself together again. I hugged my knees against my chest and put my head down, trying to hold back my tears.

"Sasuke, what happened?" I heard Kakashi ask.

"I found her here like that." Sasuke said. Typical Sasuke. Blowing me off just like the fan girl I was. It was like I didn't even matter. I should've known that. He has been acting differently lately though. It's like, every time he's doing something to show he cares, he goes back to the regular Sasuke.

I was so confused. I hardly noticed the soft whimpers I was making as tears flowed from my eyes down my face.

Kakashi crouched down in front of me and lifted my head. "Do you care to tell me what happened?" he questioned me.

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**Sorry if there was any confusion while reading. I'm willing to answer any of your questions. If there is anything you'd like to see more of (besides updates, I'm working on that.) tell me, and I'll try to fit it in somewhere. The next update, will be one chapter, unless I update next week. If I update next week it will be two. Anytime before that, it should only be one.**

**Thanks for reading**


	9. Talks

**Late update again, I know. This was supposed to be a Christmas present for you fellow readers.(and if you don't celebrate Christmas, a holiday gift) But I didn't finish the chunin exam chapter by then, so I extended the date to new years, but obviously, I didn't finish by then either. And, it's still in progress, so you'll hear back from me as soon as possible. But exams are coming up, so I'm not sure if I'll get it back too soon.**

**I'm really trying with this chapter though, because I have inspiration for it, just bear with me. These next two chapters aren't my best work.**

**-I Don't Own Naruto-**

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Chapter 9: Talks

I looked up at him with wide eyes. Tears streaked my cheeks, and I shook my head in reply. He looked at me for a few more seconds and sighed. I tightened my arms around my knees. My tears stopped, but I didn't want to move. The same thoughts ran though my head, but I was so used to them by now, I was immune. My mom was dead, and I couldn't do anything about it. I would never be able to bring her back. I was skinnier than more girls now. I never worried anymore. But I was still weak, even though I trained night and day. Even so, I was still happy that I was stronger.

"Sakura," Kakashi tried to get my attention, "Sakura, look at me." I brought my eyes up and became hypnotized by his swirling sharingan. Before I knew it, the world around me began fading, and I fell into the darkness.

I woke up looking at the plain white ceiling in my room. My head was pulsing as I started off to the kitchen for medicine. As I was walking out, I rubbed my eye and froze at what I saw. Sasuke was leaning on the counter, with his gaze on me.

"You're awake," he observed

"What are you doing here?" I went past him to the cabinet.

"I'm supposed to watch over you while Kakashi is out getting food," He said uninterested.

"I don't need a babysitter. The door is open, so you can leave," I popped a pill into my mouth.

"It's not that simple," he tensed.

"I don't see why it's hard. Just walk out the door," I spoke sarcastically.

"What happened to you, Sakura?" he closed his eyes.

"Nothing."

"You changed." He looked at the ground.

"Why should it matter to you?" I glared at him.

"I never said it did."

"Then I shouldn't have to answer your question."

We were both quiet for a while until Kakashi came in though the door.

"Leave, _now._" I stared at the two.

"Tch." Sasuke walked out the door and I stared at Kakashi.

"I'm waiting…" My foot tapped impatiently.

"I'm not leaving, Sakura." Kakashi said.

"Then _I_ am," I made my way to the door before Kakashi grabbed me.

"From now on, I'm watching over you until you're healthy again," He said.

"I'm perfectly fine," I turned away from him, looking down at my arm. "Let go."

Kakashi ignored me, and closed the door, "I'm going to make lunch. You can do whatever you want, as long as you stay in the house."

"Enjoy you're lunch then. I'll be in my room training." I stalked off annoyed.

If I tried to sneak out of the house, he would know. And I was sure he wasn't going to let me skip meals. There had to be something I could do. I fell back on my bed with my arms spread out. The medicine didn't seem to be working. I eyed the mirror for a split second, and looked away. I didn't want to see what I looked like. I got a long blanket from my closet and draped it over the mirror. I smiled slightly to myself.

I came out to see what Kakashi was making, and there was a plate in the middle of the table.

"Lunch is ready." Kakashi announced.

I stared at him, and he ignored me. I felt the tears start coming into my eyes, and I held them back. I knew he was going to make me eat, but I didn't want to. I _really _didn't want to. And I knew Kakashi wouldn't let me leave until I ate.

I sat at the table glaring at the one rice ball in front of me. Kakashi watched me and ate quietly.

"You do know I'm not going to eat right?" I questioned, still looking at the rice ball.

"Sakura, you're not going anywhere until you eat."

"It's not like you're letting me go anywhere anyway," I shot back.

"If it comes to it, I'll force feed you," he looked at me.

"Then force feed me then!" I slammed my hands on the table. "Nothing will happen! You think that you can change me, but you can't! Only I can change myself, and guess what? I don't plan on changing!" Without a surprise, Kakashi stopped me when I walked toward the door.

"Why won't you just leave me alone?!" I screamed and he blocked my punch. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Sakura, calm down," he commanded.

"Why should I?" I spat.

"I'll take you out of the exam," he glared.

I widened my eyes. I wanted to hurt him. I wasn't going to win, and he knew it. He walked me back to the table and I sat down, still shocked.

'It's just one,' I thought to myself. 'What can it do?'

I pushed the plate away and laid my head down on the table. My work, all my hard work, ruined. I looked up at the plate and picked the rice ball up. What choice did I have? I had to eat. My hand pulled the rice ball to my mouth, and I nibbled the tip off of it. My eyes were closed and I tried not to cry. Kakashi nodded at me, and I took another bite. I put it back on the plate and laid down on the table again.

Tears fell from my eyes, and I glimpsed at the rice ball again. Kakashi looked at me, and I managed to take another bite.

"Do you mind telling me why you've been starving yourself?"

"You should be able to guess," I said quietly as I took a deep breath and ate.

"You're trying to impress Sasuke," he said it more like a statement.

"I'm not trying to impress him…" I started.

"So, if Sasuke wasn't here, you would still be starving yourself?" he continued.

"…probably," I said, "I just want to be…perfect."

"Sakura no one is perfect," he said, and he took the half eaten rice ball away from me. "You can eat the rest later. I want to show you something."

He took me to my covered mirror, and pulled the blanket off. I stood in front of it looking down at the floor.

"Tell me what you see," he told me.

Slowly, I pulled my face up, and saw myself. "I see me."

"And what are some things about you?"

"I'm skinny. I think it looks pretty," my eyes traced my figure. There was no excess fat in sight.

"Is there anything you don't like?" he questioned.

Something about me that wasn't there before was bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I was so _different_.

"Not really," I replied.

"Do you know what I see, Sakura?" I looked at him, and he began pointing at my reflection.

"I see a beautiful girl that doesn't see herself clearly. She has a soft face that has been ruined. Her hair has lost its lust, her eyes are sunken in, giving her a tired look, her bones show, and she easily bruises."

I looked at myself closer bringing the finer details to my attention. Kakashi was right. I did have sunken eyes, and bruises, but I liked the showing of my bones.

"Come, I have something else to show you," he led me to the scale in the bathroom. "Get on."

I stepped on reluctantly, and closed my eyes. I heard Kakashi mumble a quiet "69" and I looked down. I stepped off the scale, half proud, half ashamed.

"Sakura, do you know what the normal weight for you is?" he made eye contact with me, and wouldn't let me look away.

"Around the middle 90's…" I said.

"Right, so when you get to about 90, I won't bother you anymore."

"No," I said softly. "No, no, no, no no, NO!" I shook my head and screamed. "You can't do this to me! You don't know how long I've been working for this! You don't know how hard it's been! And now you expect me to throw everything away? Sasuke notices me now! I'm happier this way!"

"Stop lying to yourself Sakura. You very well know that this is wrong," He said firmly.

"So what if it's wrong to you? What if it's right for me?"

"It's not right for anyone. Look at what it's doing to you," he kept his voice controlled. "Do you still think it's right?"

"With every bad part, there's a good part, and I'm willing to sacrifice for that. I'm not going back. I refuse to go back. You don't know how things were for me back then. Imagine coming home, crying, everyday. Thinking that you weren't good enough. Feeling like you were hated. And finding out that the one person that actually accepted you was taken away from you!" Hot tears rolled down my face.

Kakashi stood looking at me while I was looking at the ground. I still missed her, but she was gone. I shouldn't be thinking too much about her, but I don't want to forget her either. If she didn't die, I wouldn't be like this, Kakashi wouldn't be bothering me all the time, and maybe I wouldn't care about Sasuke.

"I know what it's like to lose someone, Sakura. I've already lost everyone I had." He smiled at me. "That doesn't mean you shouldn't make new friends."

"She wasn't my friend," I said coldly. "She was my mother. The last person I had, lost, gone, vanished, _forever._"

"Sakura, I believe in you, too, and I'm going to help you get through this."

"No. No, you aren't," I wailed, eyeing my sensei with obvious distaste. "No one can help me."

Kakashi finally had no retort.

My head throbbed to the beat of my heart. I felt some of the food I ate coming back up into my throat. _Yes_, I thought sleepily. Making not-so-steady eye-contact with Kakashi, I added "You can't help the ones that don't need it."

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**Credits to LDstar for the ending. I really couldn't think of one, and she helped me. lots.**

**Thanks for reading. The next chapter is waiting for you.**


	10. Fixing

**Out of the two chapters, I'd have to say this one sucked. It didn't really show what I wanted. But I needed to get it out there for you guys. I have a plan! But you'll have to read the bottom authors note to figure it out. I hope this chapter is okay.**

**-I don't own naruto.**

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Chapter 10: Fixing

I found myself shrouded by darkness again. I was getting sick of it. Sick of the same darkness. Sick of Kakashi. Sick of my hate towards myself.

I was going to fake myself out of anorexia. I would eat, and I wouldn't throw it up. I would gain all the weight back, and then lose it all again. Just to get Kakashi off my back. All I needed was his trust. Then, I could go back to perfection. Right now, it's so close I can almost taste it, but now I have to go back.

Stupid Kakashi. Why can't he just forget about me? Why can't he just ignore me? Everyone else does already.

I opened my eyes, and the ceiling was above me again. My head was still swirling. The half eaten rice ball was on the table when I came out, and I sat in the chair in front of it. Kakashi came over, and sat across from me. I looked up at him for a second and quickly looked back down. The rice ball fit perfectly in my hand. There was going to be a lot of pretending in the next few days.

I nibbled at the side, and chewed slowly. Kakashi didn't say a word, and I felt like I needed to say something if I was going to get him out in the next 6 days.

"Kakashi-sensei…" I started, "I want to change…"

He looked at me, surprised.

"Good," He acknowledged me. "This should be a lot easier."

I took small bites of the rice ball until there was nothing left, and I got up to wash the plate.

"I'll take care of that later," Kakashi told me. "Are you still hungry?"

"Not really…" I faked a small insecurity.

"Alright then. Let me get some rules out. I don't want you training this whole week. It would push you too far, and you don't need that right now. You aren't allowed to leave the house without another person with you. When I think I can trust you, there will be exceptions to the rules, but for now, this is what they are. Understood?" He spoke seriously.

I nodded and looked at the ground again. My face held the same sad expression, but I was a total mess inside.

This was going to be a long week.

He led me to the couch, and sat me down across from him again.

"So, in the meantime, we might as well get some things straight," He cleared his throat. "What do you think started your anorexia?"

I fidgeted uncomfortably in my place. "I came home from training one day, and I was sick of being shunned. I looked at myself in the mirror, and noticed extra skin on my body, and I made a goal to lose it."

"So mostly everything traces back to Sasuke?" He probed.

I kept hesitation in my voice, but that wasn't acting. I didn't want to tell Kakashi anything. "Not really… Ino always seemed perfect through my eyes…"

"What about her did you see?"

"She was everything I wasn't. She wasn't as shy as me. She wasn't as fat. She wasn't as ugly. Her forehead wasn't as big. I guess I was just jealous…"

I was relieved when Kakashi finally stopped interrogating me.

"When I stopped eating, all the rest of the girls around me looked perfect too. I saw myself so inferior, and I hated that."

I found myself surprised because I was telling Kakashi so much. I should've been telling him lies. Some other reason why someone would be anorexic. But I was telling him my reason. Was it because I really wanted to be "fixed?" No, it couldn't be. I was proud to be anorexic. It was all I had.

My stomach churned softly, and I looked down at it. After all this time, I was hungry again.

"If we're going to get this done before the exam, you're going to need to eat as much as you can," Kakashi stood up and took out more food as I grimaced and leaned on the side of the couch.

"Can I get some fresh air?" I asked uncertainly.

"Don't go any further than the front porch. I'm trusting you," he answered.

I sat with my legs hanging off the edge of the platform. My back was leaning against the support pole with my head turned out to the front of my house. A little girl playing with her dad passed by, and I took note of her giant smile and bubbly laugh. Another couple passed with their heads entwined with each other. I smiled softly, and turned to the sky, wishing for my happiness back.

Kakashi came out with a plate of cut fruit, and I took a piece and popped it into my mouth.

"Sensei, how long did it take for you to get over all the deaths you went through?" I kept my gaze on the sky.

"I was busy as a ninja, so I didn't think of them very often. At the beginning, they were all I could think of when I had the time, but as I got busier, thoughts of them disappeared."

We both stayed silent again, and I ate another apple. A warm breeze passed when I took a deep breath. Kakashi went back into the house, and I kept thinking outside. The sun was starting to set with giant purple and pink clouds around it. I felt as if the food was slowing me down rather then speeding me up, but I said nothing of it. The week would go with the same act until Kakashi left and I went back to this.

Fruit on the plate disappeared quickly, as I was more comfortable eating it. I stood up and walked back inside when the sun fell under the horizon.

Kakashi was at the stove cooking dinner as I walked right past the kitchen to my room. I looked under my bed to see if my binge box was still there. There were a few wrapped fruity candies, and one chocolate bar, along with the mini bags of chips and cookies.

I threw a few chips into my mouth, and waited for the salty taste. Halfway through the bag, I unwrapped the chocolate, and popped that into my mouth. The sweet sugar melted in my mouth and my eyes closed. I immediately felt heavier. A small smirk was placed on my lips. Even if it meant unhealthy fat, if it was going to get Kakashi out faster, I was going to eat it. I shoved all the wrappers and bags back into the box, and walked out to the kitchen.

Kakashi was setting the table when I came out. A bowl of udon was steaming on the table, and I sat in front of it. The chopsticks beside it were broken, and dipped into the bowl. I savored the taste of the noodles drenched in oil and nearly gagged. I finished the bowl as slow as I could just so it seemed like I was uneasy. Afterwards, I drank a glass of water to make me seem heavier.

"I think we should weigh you now," Kakashi said. He walked me into the bathroom, and I stepped on, anxious for a higher number to pop up.

The screen went blank for a second, and then 74.3 came on. I almost smiled, but remembered to act. I slumped up against the wall, and sighed.

"It's for the best," Kakashi reassured me.

'_Yeah, it is for the best, because it's best that he's gone so I can go back.'_ I thought slyly. I drooped my head down, and Kakashi walked out of the room. When I heard the door close, I came out and laid down on my bed.

"You gain weight when you eat and sleep soon afterwards," I whispered softly. My eyes closed while I was snuggled under the blankets as I began to drift away to a dream.

Chapter 10 ½: The Dream

I saw myself standing in front of a mirror staring at myself like in my dream from weeks ago, but something was different. I was skinny. Skinnier then I was before Kakashi put me under house arrest. I smiled in acceptance.

I sat down on my bed, wondering how it all happened, and suddenly saw Sasuke come into my room. He walked over to me and placed his arm around my waist. I looked up at him, unsure of what was going on, and he kissed my forehead softly.

I decided to go with it, and I leaned against his chest. His heartbeat was steady, and it brought a calm shadow around me. I breathed in deeply, and was surprised when I heard Sasuke say something.

"We're going to get you through this," he said.

I woke up to a bright room, and my heart was beating rapidly. I tried to tell myself it was only a dream, but that didn't seem to work. I looked out to the living room, and there was a note on the table.

_Sakura,_

_I'll be right back. Make breakfast._

I looked into the refrigerator and I saw food ready, but it had to be cooked. I took it out, and turned on the stove to cook it. I sighed. I was only one day into the week, and I felt like I was going crazy already.

I kept my act up, and was able to persuade Kakashi to let me off at 85 pounds. There was still two days before the exams started, and I couldn't be more excited. Kakashi was gone, so I could go back to losing weight.

Dizziness, shortness of breath, and headaches quickly came back to me. I was anorexic again, and I couldn't feel more alive.

Maybe my dream would come true, but instead, Sasuke would like me for my skinny, perfect self.

* * *

**Again, not the best, but it'll do for now. Sakura didn't seem like she was acting. Which, if you didn't pick that up, she _was_ acting.**

**I'm hoping that I can finish this story before or on my birthday. (Feburary 2nd) but I don't think that will happen.**

**When I do finish though, I'm going to be planning for a possible sequel, and I'll be editing all my stories. In addition, I'm going to write another sequel to a _Love _Kills because I've left that for a while now.**

**So chances are, you're going to be hearing less from me.**

**I think the updates are getting slower and slower... Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be finished, revised, edited, and uploaded soon. Pinky promise.**


	11. Chunin Exam

**Oh..my..gosh...**

**I am so sorry. Did I promise 1-2 weeks? Well, it's been 3 months. Please don't hurt me. **

**The chapter isn't much longer than the rest either, but I'm pretty happy with it. Some parts need some more tweaking, but I really don't know what to do, and it doesn't bother me that much...**

**Anyways, I'm really sorry guys. I lost track of time. And as a warning, I'm lost for the next chapter... If there's anything you want to see, tell me, and I'll try to find a way to put it in. Hope the chapter is okay...  
**

-I don't own Naruto.

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Chapter 11: Chunin Exam

x Part One: Written Exam x

I met up with Sasuke and Naruto in front of the academy building. Naruto was more ecstatic then usual, and Sasuke wouldn't say a word to me. I began wondering if I looked too fat. I had two free days where I trained harder than ever, and I didn't eat at all, but I still wasn't as skinny as before. I started to space out, and Naruto's shouting was easily blocked.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto tilted his head and waved his hand in front of my face. "Are you ready to go in?"

He was holding the door open for me. "Oh, uh, yeah, sorry," I walked in quickly.

We all paced down the hall to the exam room. When we walked in, there were rows of desks with people scattered in random spaces. The chunin at the door asked for our names and gave us our numbers. Naruto and Sasuke nodded when I looked at them, and we all went to sit in our assigned place. The test was already passed out on the desk, and I began as I sat down.

There were at least twenty chunin sitting around us, watching for any cheaters. I was put in front with two guys, who were about twice my size, around me. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, our proctor, Ibiki, seemed to be staring at me intently.

Two scars crossed his face that added to his cold and serious expression. Fear was brought into my eyes the first second I saw him.

I tried to ignore his constant look, along with the easily caught glances from the two beside me. The questions were relatively easy, but you had to go through multiple steps to get an answer. I was stumped at times, and my headache wasn't helping either.

I tapped my pencil softly against the desk as I thought. There was a ripple of chunin calling out the names of those who cheated. The clock was ticking in the front of the room, and we only had fifteen minutes left. My heart was beating, and I could feel a bead of sweat falling down my brow. Five minutes were left, and I had two unanswered questions. I concentrated harder, but I was too late.

"That's it. Time's up," Ibiki announced. Pencils clattered on all the desks, and Ibiki began speaking again. "For all those who think that they didn't pass, stand up now, and you and your team will be free to leave. Next year you will be able to take the exam again. And for those who think they passed, if it turns out that you really failed, you will have to wait another four years before taking the exam."

Slowly, hands were raised, and teams walked out the door.

My body was still frigid. I couldn't even work up enough courage to turn around to see how many people were left. My guess was, there were about a fourth of the people remaining. Ibiki finally spoke again, making me flinch. His eyes scanned the desks, making sure no one else wanted to leave, and he began explaining the purpose of the exam.

"Once you all walked in and looked at the test, you would've realized they were different. They were designed to make you think, and if you couldn't process them, you were forced to cheat…"

My mind started trailing away as Ibiki kept talking. My eyes drooped, but my ears perked up when I heard him announce that we all passed. The written exam was over, which meant I was one step closer to becoming a chunin, and one step closer to winning Sasuke.

xXx

Chunin Exam Part 2: Breakthrough

I walked uneasily along Sasuke and Naruto. The sun was starting to set, so it was getting harder to see. All three of us turned around to the bushes that rustled behind us. A small squirrel stumbled out, and we relaxed. Within a second, Sasuke was taken away by an enemy ninja. I gasped and was knocked back by an enemy ninja. The headband she wore said she was from the sound village.

My lungs were throbbing as I held my breath and watched the largest ninja stalk towards Naruto. Naruto's brow curved in concentration when he took a defensive stance.

The enemy chuckled. "Relax, all we want is your scroll, so hand it over and no one gets hurt."

"I'm not giving anything up without a fight!" Naruto yelled. He lunged towards the ninja with a kunai, but was easily blocked.

I was too busy watching Naruto's fight, I didn't notice the girl come behind me. She jerked my hair up pressing a kunai to the throat at the same second.

"You wouldn't happen to have to scroll, would you?" her silky voice asked.

I shook my head no, and finally let out a breath when she let go. I looked back to Naruto's fight only to see that he fell unconscious when the ninja knocked him against the tree.

"He doesn't have the scroll we need," the enemy said after searching Naruto.

"What a waste of time," the girl scoffed. "It was so easy to beat them. The group is too weak."

The words that the enemy said confused me. Naruto didn't have the scroll, Sasuke did. In that case, did Naruto take the scroll from the enemy? I heard light breathing behind me as the two ninja trudged away.

"Sakura," Sasuke whispered behind me, "I got away, but he's still following me. We have to move. I'll get Naruto. Start going to the tower."

Before I had time to reply, Sasuke was picking up Naruto in front of me. I got to my feet and jumped on the branch. Sasuke joined me and we started running to the tower.

"Who's after us?" I asked.

"Some sound ninja, but he isn't after the scroll."

I was more confused now than ever. The exam was starting to take its toll on me, and we weren't even halfway through it.

Before I could dodge it, a kunai pierced my leg. I flinched at the wound and started falling. Sasuke tried to beat me to the ground, but I hit it before he did. We were further into the forest, but it looked the same as where we were before. Sasuke stared at my leg and back up at me.

"I'm fine," I muttered. More weapons were thrown at us and I curled up, waiting for the pain. Sasuke blocked all of them before they could hit us, and he jumped to where they came from. A sound ninja came from the tree and clashed with Sasuke. They immediately began fighting. The two were almost invisible, but you could still hear when their weapons made contact. I concentrated on the fight, but a sting in my leg made me focus on it instead.

The cut wasn't too deep, so the bleeding wasn't that bad. I wrapped bandages around it and leaned back on a tree. Even though the pain wasn't too bad, if I tried to fight the cut would open up again and I would be more trouble than help.

Sasuke and the ninja paused for a moment, and I watched as Sasuke made a tiger seal. I felt an immense heat on my face and waited for the smoke to clear. I heard Sasuke scream and I gasped, causing me to cough.

The smoke was gone along with the enemy who was standing on a branch. Sasuke was left kneeling on the ground, his hand tightly clutching the back of his neck. Ignoring the pain in my leg, I struggled as I ran to him.

"What did you do to Sasuke?" I yelled.

A smirk fell on the ninja's face while his tongue licked his lips. "I gave him a gift. He'll come to me for power, and I'll grant his wish."

I cringed in disgust, but I forgot about him when Sasuke screamed again.

"Sasuke, are you okay? What happened?" I attacked him with questions, but never got an answer. I took his hand to try to comfort him when he fell to the ground with another yell. The grip he had tightened until my fingers turned purple, but I didn't pay attention to it. One last scream escaped from him, and he fell unconscious.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I laid him down by Naruto. I never saw Sasuke like this. He was never hurt that badly. Something was out of place. There was no way a bruise on his neck could hurt him that much.

After watching over Naruto and Sasuke, my head was nodding and my eyes were begging to close. Naruto was out for over an hour, and Sasuke was panting. He had a high fever causing beads of sweat to drip down his face. Trying to stay awake, I took the wet cloth from his forehead and laid a new one on.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm sorry, Naruto. I failed again. I wasn't able to protect you. You guys have always protected me, but look what I have done for you. You guys are laying here unconscious because of me. I should've done something to help, or I could've tried," my throat went dry. "Sasuke, you never accepted me, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The changes I made drove you away. My hair," I laughed bitterly, "I grew it out for you. Nothing changed. You still hated me."

I took a kunai out and cut through my pink locks.

"My training made no difference. I'm still just as weak as before. You hated my dieting the most. I became beautiful, but to you, I wasn't," I began whispering. "I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just a broken toy that can't be fixed, but you don't care. I'm just another annoying fan-girl."

Tears fell from my eyes and they threatened to close on me, but I wouldn't lose the fight. I felt my stomach churn slightly. This was enough for me to stay awake. I had my hunger back; the hunger that I loved. Sasuke tensed and his uneven breathing started becoming steady. Suddenly, his eyes opened, and the bruise on his neck grew over half of his body.

He looked at me with his sharingan, but his eyes didn't look the same. His glare was full of hatred. I tried to move back but the tree I was leaning on stopped me.

A black chakra was swirling around him as he walked closer to me. My eyes widened in fear.

The marks on him began growing down his leg. His blood red eyes stared harder when he came at me with a kunai. I scrambled trying to run away, but then he appeared in front of me. I winced at the pain in my leg, finding that the cut opened, and he seemed to watch the blood that was staining the bandages.

Sasuke took a step towards me, and I took a step back. He had an evil smirk on, while I had a scared look.

"You cut your hair," I heard him whisper.

He narrowed his eyes at me. I widened my eyes even bigger when he ran towards me, hitting my stomach.

"Sasuke, what are yo-" I was cut off by another hit.

"Sasuke, I-"

I desperately tried to block and run away from him. This wasn't the Sasuke I knew. There was no way I could fight him back.

He was about to come at me again when I screamed out to him. "Sasuke, stop it!"

He came behind me and whispered, "Why should I?" He took another hit at me, knocking me across the field.

"You're already killing yourself, so why shouldn't I kill you right now? I already tried to convince you to stop, but you didn't listen," he stopped attacking me.

"Sakura," He rasped, "When was the last time you ate?"

"T-this m-" I stuttered.

"Tell me the truth," he demanded.

I looked at the ground. "3 days ago…"

"So you're back to your old self?" he picked me up, and pushed me into the tree. "Sakura: the fan-girl, the weakling, the anorexic."

I said nothing.

"She chases with a tinted pink face. She grows out her hair, wishing that she'd win attention. She studies hard, hoping to impress. She trains excessively, damaging her body more than doing good. And last of all, She starves herself to the point where she's barely alive," He rambled. "So tell me, why are you doing this?"

I kept my lips shut. There was no way I would tell him. His eyes flashed red, and from the corner of my eye I saw them spin.

"So?" He pressed.

I broke my silence. "It's nothing," I whispered.

"Anorexia is nothing?" His eyes looked directly into my eyes, and I couldn't look away. "This "starving for attention" is nothing?"

"I'm not anorexic, and I'm not starving myself!" I screamed.

"Sakura, you're killing yourself! Why are you so dense? How is that invisible to you? You know it's true"

"Don't talk about me like you know me! You don't know what I've been through!" I fell to the ground. "I'm not doing this for you."

"Then tell me why."

"…I just want to believe her…" I began in an inaudible voice. "I want to be beautiful…"

Sasuke scoffed, not hearing what I said. "That's what I thought." I saw the marks on him recede back to his neck.

Somewhere inside of me, I found confidence. "You're wrong, Sasuke. I'm not doing this for you. I already gave that up a while ago. This," I pointed to myself, "this, is for me."

He pinned me against a tree again, his blood-red eyes burning me. "You're going to stop, Sakura."

"I don't want to," I spat. "I finally have something. I'm not going to give it up."

"Sakura, do I have to spell it out for you?" he raised his voice. "I care about you okay? I've always cared about you! I thought that I made that clear enough." He turned his back to me. "When I said everyone was worried about you, I meant me included."

"Sasuke, I didn't-"

"Make me a promise," he commanded.

I nodded slowly, unsure.

"Sakura," he said flatly, "you're not going to do this anymore. You're not going to starve yourself. You're not going to be anorexic."

I shook my head no.

"Sakura," he said.

"Sasuke, I can't… Kakashi tried to get me out of it, but it didn't work. The thought of it-" I was cut off by his lips crushing mine.

I closed my eyes and tears started falling. Sasuke pulled away when he felt the water on his cheek.

"I'll help you out of it," he insisted.

"I can't…"

"Sakura, if you keep doing this, you're going to die."

"I don't care! I have to make her proud…" I retorted.

Out of surprise, I started spilling out everything, just like when I was talking to Kakashi. "Before, my mom was always there to soothe me. She told me how beautiful I was, but I thought that she only said that because it was her job. She was my mother, she would love me no matter what," I smiled as tears came to my eyes. "She was all I had, and she was ripped away from me."

I saw Sasuke's fist tighten at my last sentence. "You and I both."

He took a step backwards, giving me more space to move, and I wrapped my arms around him.

"That's why, Sasuke. I can't let her down…" I sobbed.

"You aren't letting anyone down. She doesn't want you to die, Sakura. We're going to get you out of this."

I nodded, and he rubbed my arm.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun…" I wiped my tears away.

"We need to get out of here," he said, picking up Naruto and walking to the middle of the forest where the tower was.

I followed behind him, limping as I walked. There wasn't another attack as we walked. Naruto finally began waking up, and the three of us walked with each other.

"Sakura-chan, what happened to your leg? Are you okay? And your hair! What happened to it? Did you cut it?" Naruto asked, forgetting to give me time to answer.

"I'm fine Naruto, don't worry." I said, tripping.

Sasuke took my arm, and put it over his shoulder. His arm wrapped around my waist. Occasionally he winced at the pain in his neck, but he endured it.

The three of us were tired and bruised all over. My eyes were drooping again, so Sasuke was about to put me on his back, but his neck was hurting too much.

Naruto crouched down in front of me, and I put my arms on his shoulders as he held me up. Sasuke glared at him, and I laughed. Finally, I could get some sleep.

xXx

Chunin Exam Part 3: Disappointment

Sasuke woke me up when we were at the tower. I thanked Naruto and got off his back.

"Hey guys, we made it," I said cheerfully.

I took my two teammate's hands, and together we walked through the doors. Iruka greeted us and asked for the two scrolls. Sasuke took his out, and Naruto pulled the second from his pocket. Iruka pointed us to another room where we were to wait.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed.

Sasuke pulled his hand away from mine, and walked towards Kakashi. I looked down at the ground. I knew he was telling him about what happened. I joined my two teammates, but kept my gaze down.

"So, you guy's have passed the first two parts," Kakashi said. "Congratulations. Now all you have to do is pass this part, and you'll be a chunin."

I looked up at him in surprise. He didn't look mad, but I knew he was hiding it.

Kakashi left us, and we walked out to form a line where all the others were standing.

"Alright, since there are more students than we thought there would be, you guys are going to have to fight in a preliminary round," the proctor said. "Before we start, is there anyone who would like to leave, or anyone who has a teammate who is injured?"

A few students raised their hands and left the room. Sasuke turned around to me.

"Sakura, you aren't fighting. You know why, and you can barely walk, anyway," he spoke.

"That's not fair! And what about you?" I protested. Sasuke was about to raise his hand, but I slapped it down.

"No, I'm going to fight in this whether you like it or not," I said in disagreement.

"Anyone else before we start?" the proctor asked.

Sasuke put his other hand up before I could stop him.

"Uchiha, you're leaving?"

"No, my teammate is hurt," he replied.

"Alright, Kakashi get down here."

I glared at Sasuke as I limped up the stairs with Kakashi. He took my bloodied bandages off my leg, and put new ones on it. When he was done, he looked at me.

"I'm sorry, sensei…" I looked down again. When he said nothing, I started asking about the bruise on Sasuke's neck.

"Sensei, can I ask you something?"

He raised his eyebrow at me.

"Sasuke… while we were in the forest, someone bit him, and now he has a bruise on his neck," I started. "There was a moment when it grew over half of his body… When that happened-"

"He wasn't himself? Don't worry, Sakura. I'll take care of it." He reassured.

Sasuke's fight was first, and when he finished, Kakashi took him away.

I sat alone and sighed. A part of me was happy Sasuke took my out of the exam, but the other part wanted to become a chunin. The fight was only a preliminary, so there would be a next fight in a month. Sasuke would be busy training with Kakashi, and if he was more worried about that, he wouldn't pay attention to me. Maybe things were better this way. Maybe it was better if he left me alone.

I couldn't know for sure. All I knew was, the next month would be a long one.

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**Was this okay? Thanks for reading. I'm really sorry... The next chapter... I don't know when it's coming out, but I'll be writing every single second i get. If not, brainstorming because I don't know what to write next.**

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	12. Letting Go

**Yes, I know this chapter isn't as long as the one before, but I really wanted to get it up today. (Did you notice? It's April 23rd, the same day I started this last year!) I'm sorry if this isn't very good, I wanted to get it up. **

**Special thanks to LDstar for giving me ideas and Yiruma for writing music that made my imagination run wild.**

**-I don't own Naruto.**

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Chapter 12: Letting Go

Part 1: Rivalry

I guess I was lucky because Sasuke gave me more space than Kakashi did, but then again, he was out training most of the time. Naruto was busy training too, so it was usually quiet. I felt disappointed because I was the only one in my team that didn't pass the first parts of the exam, but I couldn't do anything about it anymore. Sasuke wouldn't let me train until I put on some weight, and even then, I bet he would watch me so I didn't push myself too far. For the most part, things were pretty boring.

I was out taking a walk around the markets when I heard the voice of my former best friend.

"Hey forehead, what are you doing here?" Ino yelled at me.

I sighed before I answered. "Hey Ino, I'm just out taking a walk."

"You should come to the flower shop with me! It's not busy nowadays, and plus, we haven't talked in a while!"

"…Sure, why not?" I mumbled. Ino was the one who usually did all the talking, so all I had to do was listen.

I followed her as she walked through a door to the backroom.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

"You wouldn't believe it!" she started. "You know how you've been dieting? I decided that I should lose a few pounds too, just so I looked a little bit nicer. I started a few days before the exam, and I've already lost 5 pounds!" Her energetic voice announced.

"That's great, Ino…" I commented.

How much did she weigh now? Ino always weighed less than me before. Of course, ever since I've been anorexic, I became less than her, but what about now. What if, she kept shedding off the weight, and I gained instead? I wanted to stay less than her. She already had beauty. Her hair wasn't bright pink, it was blonde, and who likes pink hair more than blonde? Her forehead is normal, too. Her body… it used to be prettier than mine, but not anymore. I finally had something she didn't. I wasn't going to lose that.

With Sasuke breathing down my back, telling me to eat more so I could gain more weight to be "healthy," I couldn't possibly stay less than her. And I finally got some kind of attention from him by losing weight, so would Ino steal that attention away from me? Once I was fat again, would Sasuke leave me for a skinnier Ino?

While I was thinking, Ino was still talking. When she stopped, I didn't notice until she started waving her hand in front of my face.

"Hey Forehead? Sakura, are you even listening to me?" she asked.

"Oh, sorry Ino… I was just thinking about something…" I murmured.

"You know if you want to say something, just say it. What's going on with you, anyway? At the exam, Sasuke was being a little protective of you. Is anything going on between you guys?" She smiled deviously.

"Nothing has really happened… Sasuke… is being himself," I said.

Was there anything going on between him and me? During the exam, there was that mark that grew all over him… and then he was mad at me, but then when it was gone, he kissed me. Not to mention, he said he cared about me, but did that really mean anything?

"So the whole "my teammate is hurt" thing he pulled wasn't anything?" she smiled wider. "Sakura, are you hiding something from me?"

I shook her off. "It's nothing Ino. We're just teammates."

"Fine, fine, if you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to," she pouted. "But since you think I'm so boring, lets talk about you."

I looked at her, shocked. "I have nothing to talk about…"

"Sure you do!" she encouraged. "How much weight have you lost? You're looking a lot thinner than before. Maybe kind of corpse-ish, but if you're happy with it, its okay."

"I don't know… around 15 pounds altogether?" I lied. I probably lost around 30, but I would never tell her that.

"Oh, my, gosh. Sakura, That's amazing! No wonder Sasuke likes you! Wasn't it hard? I mean-"

"Hold on a second. Sasuke doesn't like me. Where'd you get that idea?" I stiffened.

"Well, at the chunin exam, he was acting… different," she said. "Anyways, I guess I should get going if you've already lost that much! The diet pills should get me through it in about a month, though. "

"You've been on diet pills?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah. If you were listening to me before, maybe you would've picked that up," she pointed to a small box on the edge of the counter. "It's my first time using pills, but these are working for me."

The bell on her door rang, saying that there was a customer. "Hold on a second."

"It's alright, Ino. It's getting late, I should head home," I lied again. I wasn't going home until I picked up a box of the same pills. "It was fun, we should do it again sometime."

Ino waved to me as I walked out the door, but I ignored her. The only thing going on in my mind was the thought of getting my hands on the medicine. Maybe I could sneak them along with the throwing up I started. Sasuke wouldn't know. That is, until he weighed me, but if it meant holding onto the body I had now, it was okay.

Part 2: Broken Promises

When I got home, I attacked the box, franticly trying to get it to open. A small white capsule fell out on my hand, and I popped it into my mouth. Paranoia fell on top of me. Sasuke would be here soon, so I had to hide the pills fast. The container was hidden in the very back corner of the cabinet. Once I finally put it away properly, I sighed in relief, wondering what to do next.

I turned to the refrigerator reluctantly. The box was full of my enemy. Calories. Sasuke wasn't someone who liked sweets, so everything in there was healthy, but I couldn't help but grimace at the sight. I pulled out an apple from the shelf and took out a knife to cut it. The slices were chopped perfectly; each one equal in it's thin size.

I picked one and bit it in half. I loved the sweet taste that melted in my mouth, but at the same time I hated it. Sasuke walked in on me chewing slowly on my second slice, nodding as he passed, which made me feel a lot worse. Ever since he's lived with me, I couldn't keep food down.

"What do you want for dinner? I'll cook something…" I pathetically tried to break the silence.

"I don't care," he replied, walking away.

I left the still full plate of apples to cook rice with a boiled egg on the side. I made my portion about a fourth the size of Sasuke's, but he wouldn't mind as long as I ate. Now that I had the pills, I was going to refrain from purging.

In about 5 minutes, I had the table set, and Sasuke was walking out of the bathroom. He watched me until I took my first bite, and then started eating. My head was killing me. The meal was probably around 220 calories, which was too much for me. Sasuke finished before me, as always, and started on the apples.

When he finished, he left to the guest room to rest. Even though we never talked about his training, I knew Kakashi wasn't being easy on him. We usually ate in silence unless I was refusing to eat.

At the beginning, I would stay in my room all day. Sasuke would leave food on the counter, and when he got back, if it was still there, he would make me eat even more. I was scared to throw up because last time I tried, my throat was killing me, but as soon as it became habitual, it didn't bother me anymore.

I turned to the plate of apples, finding out that two slices were still left. I sighed and stuck one in my mouth while I threw the other one away. Of course, Sasuke would know, but I didn't care. I had enough food for the day. Over 200 calories was more than enough to keep down.

That night, my stomach wasn't cooperating with me. I felt heavy. It was like my stomach grew from dinner. I climbed out of bed to the bathroom where I debated whether I should purge or not.

I didn't want to, because I already took the pill, and that was bound to keep the weight off. And, Sasuke was being nicer. But at the same time, I didn't want food inside of me. It felt gross inside of me.

My toothbrush was in my hand, telling me to stick it down my throat. I pressed it against the back of my mouth, but quickly pulled it away. Tears immediately came into my eyes, tipping out down my cheeks. I started coughing, forgetting that Sasuke was asleep.

"Sakura, are you okay?" he opened the door, finding me leaning on the bathtub, in front of the toilet, with a toothbrush in my hand. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, Sasuke…" I mouthed. "I couldn't… It just felt…" I stuttered.

"So this is what you've been doing? Eating, and just throwing it all back up?" he shouted. "Do you even care about your own health? Does it even matter to you that you're going to die?"

He grabbed me, and pulled me up.

"I can't, I just can't," I choked.

"Look at yourself, Sakura. Your bones are clearly visible. You can hardly walk. Your skin is pale. You hardly ever smile or talk anymore. It's like you're a totally different person," he listed. "What happened to the old, _healthy_ Sakura?"

I pushed him away. "She's locked away. She was an outcast," I shot back. "_Healthy_ means _fat_. Now that she's gone, she can fit in. She can actually be partly _perfect_."

"I don't want to hear it, Sakura. I'm tired of your excuses," he quieted me. "I can't watch you every single second, but there's a place where someone can. The _hospital_."

"You can't make me go there!" I yelled. "I'm fine the way things are now."

"You call this fine?" he lunged towards me, pinning me against the wall. "I could easily break you right now. You've become even weaker than before."

I closed my eyes, shaking my head in disagreement.

"I don't know what else to do with you."

"Don't make me go… I don't want to go…" I desperately murmured. "I'll be good… I promise."

"How can I trust you?" he put his hand through his hair, frustrated. "You say something, and do the opposite."

"I want to get better, I really do… It's just, I can't stand the feeling…" I added.

"This is your last chance, Sakura," he left the room.

As soon as he turned the corner, I fell to my knees. Everything I just worked for was going away. Sasuke wouldn't let me hold onto it anymore. A part of me was happy about going back, though. Maybe I wouldn't be thin, but I could at least smile without it being fake.

I finally found a small amount of strength inside of me, and I walked out to the kitchen, going straight for the cabinet. That night, the food wasn't going anywhere. I could start being good tomorrow, but until then, I wanted to keep as much weight off as possible.

"Sakura, wake up," Sasuke shook me.

"What time is it…?" I mumbled.

"Around 5, now get up. You're coming with me to training today. I'm not leaving you at home."

"Ugh…" I sat up, rubbing my eye.

"Be ready in 5 minutes."

"…Fine."

Sasuke brought lunch for the both of us. I was still half asleep when we got to the training grounds, so I decided to nap because both Sasuke and Kakashi wouldn't approve of my training.

I woke up to the sound of chirping birds, only to see that Sasuke had a ball of lightening in his hand. He jammed it into the side of a mountain, leaving a huge dent. Kakashi noticed me when I woke up, and told Sasuke to take a break. While Sasuke went off to the river, Kakashi walked over to me.

"So, how are things with you?" he asked.

"…I'd rather not talk about it," I replied.

"Not so good, huh? Sasuke said you've been eating a little, though."

"You don't know all of it… He caught me when I was about to purge yesterday…"

"I see… Well, today's a new day," he handed me one of the bento boxes.

The box was about half-full, so I thought I could eat it okay. Eventually, I would battle my stomach again, but I thought I could get over that. The three of us ate in silence, but I was used to it by now.

So far, Sasuke and Kakashi were being nice about everything. I was leaning more towards the getting better side rather than losing more weight now. Of course, it wasn't going to be easy, but at least I wasn't going against my own will anymore.

**I have a few ideas for the next chapter. (It was supposed to be a part of this one, but I couldn't write fast enough...) So I'll _try_ to update in about a month again. No promises. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	13. Enough is Enough

**Okay, well I had a little trouble with the splitting the text from the author's note, but you don't mind, right? I'm sorry for the late (and short) chapter! Man, I'm tired of saying that every time I update... I guess I've just been distracted. (Which is a pretty bad excuse) But hey, it's summer. I plan on writing a lot, and finishing this story soon. More about it after the chapter.**

**I don't own Naruto. Does anyone get tired of saying this?**

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Chapter 13: Enough is enough

I managed to survive through the day with Sasuke breathing down my neck every single second. And that night, even though I knew Sasuke would never be all the way unconscious, I needed to get rid of the diet pills. For one thing, if he found them, I would be dead. Another thing was, if they were there, the temptation would be, too. I didn't need anything else in my way if I wanted to break free.

I walked quietly out to the kitchen, and got a glass of water, that way, Sasuke wouldn't be too suspicious. Then, I went to the cabinet, reaching to the far back corner. I fidgeted with the cap, trying to take it off as fast and as quiet as possible. I could just throw the thing in the trash, but then if Sasuke saw, and picked it up, it would still be full. I turned on the sink, hoping I was still safe, and just when I was going to pour the pills down, Sasuke stood at the door.

"What are you doing?" he raised his eyebrow.

I stood there, silent. The glass of water was still on the counter; it was still full. The bottle of pills was open, with a few spilled onto the counter by my water. Lastly, the evidence that tied the scene together was my head, leaning over the sink with a worried face on. It was like a crime scene that showed I was guilty.

"Sakura," he walked toward me, reaching for the pills.

I stepped away, the bottle behind my back. "Before you say anything, listen to me," I commanded.

"Give me the pills," he insisted.

"Not until you hear what I have to say," I pressed.

There was nothing left for me to do. He wouldn't believe me even if I told him the truth. He won, and both of us knew it. His eyes were burning at mine until I finally gave up.

"I wasn't trying to do anything, Sasuke," I said, handing the bottle over and hoping he would believe me.

Once he read the label, I saw his entire body tighten. His hand turned the bottle over, dumping the pills down the sink as well as the ones on the counter. The empty container was thrown into the trash, and both of us stood in silence once again.

"Sakura…" he began.

"Don't even go there, Sasuke," I snapped. "I know you're going to say something about how I'm so unhealthy already, and I don't need to be making it any worse, but just listen to me for once." I looked at him before I continued. "I wasn't going to take the pills. I was going to do what you just did: throw them away. And I waited until nighttime so that I could at least try to hide it from you."

Sasuke was staring at me, and I tried to stare back at him with the same intensity. I could feel the tears burning on the sides of my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Not anymore. And when I finally gave up my hopes of Sasuke apologizing, I did the only thing I could. I fell down.

/Shannon I need help with the punctuation here. And I'll fix it if it's a run-on, lol/

I felt a mix of emotions. Anger because Sasuke immediately began thinking the worse, even when I tried to warn him, Sadness because he didn't believe me when I did, guilt because I lied so many times, I was scared I lost all his trust, and in the midst of it all, happiness because the last obstacle in my way was knocked over.

My eyes stayed glued to the ground, even when Sasuke kneeled in front of me. I wondered if he could tell if I was trying to hold back my tears. I felt his finger come up under my chin, pushing my face up to look at his, and then he hugged me.

I kept my face impassive, and my tears subsided. When Sasuke pulled back, his eyes still held my gaze, and for once, I wasn't the first one to speak.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

I nodded as I stood up and drank my water before making my way back to my bedroom. I whispered a goodnight to him before he closed the door to his room, and I saw his head bow forward a little.

As I laid in bed waiting for unconsciousness to fall over me, I thought about the next day. All the food I ingested would stay down for once, and there would be no way to burn it off. I felt slightly disappointed in myself, considering all I went through already to lose the weight, but something made it seem okay.

It was my mother. When was the last time I thought about her? With the way everyone else was feeling about my eating disorder, she probably felt the same. She wanted me to be happy even though she was gone, and I wanted to be happy too. I thought that losing weight would grant me that wish; it did the opposite.

I imagined her face while she looked at me disapprovingly. It matched Kakashi's and Sasuke's, but had more effect on me.

"For her," I thought, closing my eyes.

Things were now the same as before, and yet it was the opposite. I wasn't losing weight to prove to my mother that I was 'perfect.' She already thought I was before all this. I was now gaining weight (or at least I was going to) so I could show her my happiness.

Sure, I was also doing this for Sasuke (even in the beginning, too). Yeah, it was also for my own health. But it was mostly for my mother.

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**I'm planning on a timeskip, just because I think that I'm going too slow. (Any objections? It's only going to be two weeks, and I'll do a small summary/synopsis thing to tell what happened) I hope you guys liked the chapter, though I think it ended a lot like the one before it, and it's extremely short. Is anyone getting the feeling that I'm repeating everything, but in different ways? (That's what I'm thinking right now)**

**Oh, and be sure to thank Isabela Storm for reminding me that it has been 3 months since I last update, if it wasn't for her, this chapter wouldn't be here right now.**

**Thanks for reading.**

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